I work in a medico-legal field that is unrelated to malpractice, and I have always found the single mindedness of tort reform proponents to be astonishing. Their premise must be, of course, that most people seeking awards don't deserve them -- because it's hard to defend throwing roadblocks in the way of injured patients seeking just compensation, but that is what they are doing.

This narrow focus on the well-being of doctors rather than patients is perhaps best exemplified by the malpractice debate, but it absolutely infuses the entire medical care enterprise in the U.S. It contributes to the refusal of doctors (and others) to make investments in the adoption of best practices or safer means of carrying out routine services. It is not enough to benefit the patient, the provider must see the benefit as well. You cannot point to many other industries where an investment in technology is considered worthless unless you can bill for it, but that is routine in medical settings, where many doctors and hospitals are less technologically sophisticated than the lowliest fast food restaurant when it comes to maintaining consumer records, but spend millions on fancy equipment that contributes to escalating medical costs without discernible improvement in patient care outcomes.

I like most of the doctors I have come in contact with, but they live in a bubble and most really don't understand how much tunnel vision their training inculcates. I spent an evening with a doctor client who felt absolutely betrayed when a patient sued her (it went to mediation and the patient dropped it when the mediator explained why there had not been any negligence). I finally said something like, "being second guessed isn't the end of the world. None of us is infallible."

But doctors don't want to engage in self-examination or consider that they make mistakes, or that they are motivated by financial conflicts of interest, and if they do, they often feel sorrier for themselves than they do for their patients.

I don't know what can be done about this.

Maybe he's afraid of dying. Maybe he simply can't combine caregiving with lovemaking -- a trait I imagine many men share.

Do you know how many women go home to their parents during a significant illness, because their husbands can't take care of them? Maybe they do this so that they can preserve their sexual feelings toward their wives.

We like to think of love as metaphysical, impervious to physical or material change. It isn't so.

LW should give her SO a break -- from laying on a guilt trip that a "good" man or someone who "really loved her" wouldn't stop desiring her sexually just because she is facing death and has lost her looks. I would take Cary's advice to seek the truth and not prejudge the answer, or him, for having feelings that are most likely as contradictory and conflicting as they are overwhelming.

Many of the roads I traverse are just like the one you do -- a speed limit that is way below what the traffic wants to do and can usually get away with doing. I think the answer is to be the "average" "everyman" driver.

Pick someone who is driving at approximately the average speed of all drivers on the road and follow them. If that is somewhat in excess of the speed limit, hopefully, they'll get pulled over and not you. It drives me crazy when someone does this to me, but sticking to the "median" of what other drivers are doing should save you from the police and outlier drivers. If you maintain a constant but safe distance from another such driver you won't have to think much about what you are doing.

The first friend sounds like she might be trying to do what Carey thinks -- avoiding the pain of rejection by appearing not to really care. This seems like something that a little encouragement for greater openness might help.

The second -- well, let me tell you an anecdote: a male friend of mine went out for drinks with three of our mutual (female) unmarried colleagues who were all like your second friend, and they spent the entire time ridiculing the various men they had recently dated -- not smart enough, not enough potential, short, bald, etc.

He was astounded and turned off and said to me: "What makes them think they are so special?" They have a Groucho Marx problem of their own making

and they are all still unmarried.

Self-esteem is a wonderful thing and no one should get married just to get married, but it's obvious the second friend is shallow and more interested in status than love. I wouldn't get close to trying to resolve that issue and I certainly wouldn't point any male friends I actually liked in her direction unless they were really shallow as well.

I read this and my BS antennae went way up. I think the ethicist gave the right ethical advice -- don't take freebies from the store's employees, as opposed to proprietors.

But the consistent receipt of free goods, some very expensive, from a wide range of vendors, is not the norm, even for very beautiful and charming women. This lady could be stealing, could be hiding the extent of her shopping addiction from her husband with facile explanations, or even fencing stolen goods. Who knows.

Having watched enough Dr. Phil, I put my money on kleptomania.