I lived in North Carolina for four years, and I loved it. I certainly don't consider the population to consist of rubes and rednecks, but it has been a traditionally conservative state, and not the maverick-y non-conservative state portrayed in many of these comments.

The truth is, North Carolina is not the only southern state that elects Republicans to federal office and Democrats to state office (or at least, more Democrats). It's a pattern that is common to Mississippi and Alabama as well -- that doesn't make those states bastions of a secretly liberal network. It just proves how powerful of an institution the Democratic Party became in the South after the Civil War (the party of anti-Lincoln). Most of those Democrats are more conservative than Republicans elected in Northeastern states.

While living there, I could see that the state was changing, and has continued to change. What is happening in the state is similar to what is happening in Virginia, Nevada, and Colorado: as people relocate from the Northeast and California, among other more traditionally liberal places, they bring their values with him. But it has taken quite a while for that to become a critical voting bloc that has sufficient impact to change the dynamic of political power within the state.

I am sure other demographic changes are also at work, such as youth voting patterns, and greater participation among minorities. I hope it coalesces this year, I really do, but one thing I am extra glad about: Obama didn't take the advice of James Carville to pander to the South along its conservative cultural fault lines, and if he wins, he will win as a mostly liberal politician. That's what makes it really sweet.

I want you to know that you are not the only person who turned to a traditional religion out of a sense of complete rootlessness. You are surely not the only gay man married to a straight woman, and in many such marriages, the wife had no idea that she was marrying a gay man. So you are way out ahead on that score.

And let's say you decide to get divorced. It's true that divorce is hard, but it's also true that it's often harder than it needs to be at least in part because one or both of the spouses decides to be cruel and petty. You can choose to be kind and generous to your wife even after you stop being married, so that she faces a softer rather than a harder landing.

If it were me, I would seek out counseling, ideally with my spouse at first, so that both of you can finally start to cope with the idea that your marriage was a mistake and that a graceful exit will increase the total sum of your family's happiness.

Good luck.

I hang all of my sheets and towels and other large square things on the line. I started doing it to use my dryer less, and then I realized that it's also easier to fold them and they end up with fewer wrinkles (especially the sheets).

My brother in law has the same OCD when it comes to environmental friendliness, except for his own environmental depredations, which, somehow are always okay under the circumstances. A lot of people develop what I would call a psychological tic around issues of money, very similar to the one your husband is exhibiting. Nonetheless, it's wrong to be put on the defensive about something so relatively small when you are contributing so much in so many other ways. If you husband feels that strongly about how the laundry gets done, then he should just do it himself.

This is a textbook case of why really smart competent women make horrible mistakes in their personal life. No matter how sexy, desirable, smart, good looking, successful, and on and on a woman may be, as soon as she accepts the box pre-designed for her by people who stand to gain a lot by her choosing to shut herself up inside it, she loses and loses big.

Your so-called "fiance" is telling you in so many words that he is more interested in pursuing other women than securing his commitment to you. When, exactly, will he decide that he can reliably get married without cheating after the wedding? Six monthes? Five years? Ever?

Accept reality for what it is and tell him you think it would be a good idea if you BOTH pursued your own alternative personal plans and then do it. You get one good cry when it becomes apparent that he doesn't care and is grateful you did the heavy lifting in terminating the relationship.

Your poor mom -- carrying you three deadbeats along without, I am guessing, much gratitude. I wonder how often you find the energy to say thank you or lend a hand in the haze of your dope clouded brain.

I think the operative principle here can be stated simply as "one drowning man is rarely in a position to judge or help another." Seriously, do what you need to break out of your own funk. Otherwise, you might as well admit it: your father is where you are going to be 25 years from now. If you can see how unfair his conduct is to your mother, then you have enough insight and empathy to see how unfair you are being to your mother as well. Before you can decide what to tell her about your dad's activitites, you need to see things from her side, the side of a responsible adult. In addition: maybe your dad is beset by depression too. Maybe it runs in your family. Maybe that's why your mother is so generous to all of you, because she sees it too. The least you can do is to try to give her a lighter load to carry.