Building a deck around a tree usually results in slow death for the tree. Consult an arborist before you undertake any building projects that encroach on the tree's roots. There's a good chance you will weaken the tree and create a risk for your dwelling and that of any of your neighbors who live close by.

Let's say that LW is a lesbian. It's not a big leap from "prove your not a lesbian by flirting with some guy" to "prove you are a lesbian by sleeping with me." LW's boss isn't confused by stereotypes, she's a childish bully who thinks she has the right to humiliate and intimidate her underlings about their private lives.

Unless she's the owner, LW's boss has a boss. LW, you need to tell your boss pretty much what you told Cary, but a lot more succinctly: I'm not a lesbian, it annoys me that you think my sexuality is a fit topic for public discussion and this is starting to feel like sexual harassment. Then write a letter or an e-mail to yourself about having had this conversation, along with a list of the notable incidents, with a documented date stamp. Your choices are, if the conduct continues, to quit, or to pursue it with your boss's boss.

I've never shaved my legs or used make-up and I assure you, your boss is an outlier. But if you've ever wondered about why it is that corporate employers seem so lacking in personality, well, now you know.

I don't know whether LW is confused or just gullible, but she doesn't seem to have learned from her bad experience. LW, think about this: you just had a frightening experience with a company representative and now, you are on the verge of agreeing to let additional employees from that very same company roam through your house, at times when you might not even be there, and your main question is whether you should try to hold out to let them put even more employees there for an even longer period of time.

The watchword here should be caution, bordering a bit on paranoia. It was a bad experience but you didn't suffer any tangible harm. Why would a company agree without even investigating to give you $14,000 in "free" services. Something is wrong here. I would walk away unless you have investigated this outfit from top to bottom.

In my mind I've wanted to write a cookbook like this: Here's the best, here's what's still very good and here's what's acceptable, or "How you can eat fish sticks and still maintain a reasonably healthy diet." People listen to Ms. Waters, think about how far away they are from her ideals, and simply give up. It needn't be that way, but it won't improve unless Ms. Waters (or someone) makes a real effort to help us to buy and cook within the confines of a local supermarket, possibly supplemented by visits to local farms and farmers' markets.

P.S. For those who have difficulty finding farmers' markets, don't give up on going to the farms themselves -- look for a county or cooperatively run website about local farms. Frequently, they are in close proximity and you can hit three or four varied places in a leisurely Saturday drive.

You should trust your instincts: if your drinking is causing you anxiety then, at the very least, it's a problem from that perspective alone. You seem very conscious and aware of the effect of your drinking on yourself. Perhaps you can do a little self-test: stop drinking for two weeks. If you can't stop even after you have removed temptation from your immediate grasp, maybe it's time to get help. On the other hand, if you can stop -- well, perhaps you will reassure yourself that you are not being controlled by alcohol. It's always easier to address a problem before it becomes a crisis.

I have no doubt that when they began working they were tired of living like students, even though student life (supported by loans) isn't all that tedious any more. Still, they looked forward to the day that they called the future that they were working towards, now it's here and . . . the best thing they can do is to continue living like students in order to pay off all those debts that they amassed. Even for those who do not believe in instant gratification, they still believe in gratification at some point, and it's hard to realize that for most of us, the need to scrimp is omnipresent, never really ending.

So I wouldn't talk about money, I would talk about goals. It might go something like: "Hubby and I were talking about how what we really want is to [start a business/retire early/travel every year/live off one income when we have children/send children to private school, etc.]. What do you really want to do? How are you going to do it?"

Not that pointed, of course, but in that direction: for most of us, money isn't saved for its own sake, but to enable us to do something we really value. I am guessing that these two are using up their income eating cream puffs, so to speak, as many of us do, because they haven't quite figured that out what really nourishes them. No one likes to be scolded, but everyone likes to believe that they could turn their dreams into reality.