When men state that they operate rationally, often what they really mean is that they operate without displaying the emotional underpinning of their opinions and preferences. I have been arguing this point with my husband for more than 15 years: Not shouting does not mean that what you say is more "rational" or devoid of emotionalism than someone who is "passionately" but quite logically shouting their contrary opinion. It just means that men are less likely to express emotions.

This is important because there is a very high chance that what LW perceives as irrationality is quite rational -- that is, as Cary says, these workers are reacting rationally to the circumstances of their job that they hate. Don't confuse style with substance. Forget about how they are saying it and focus on what they are saying (or the larger point that they are making). Maybe B was debated, but maybe it was debated by others, or debated in such a way that those most affected were unable to make their voices truly heard, or were, in fact overruled by those who were less affected.

You are the one consumed by money, not him. Just as you wish to be judged by what you have made of your circumstances, so you should judge your fiance and his family. That gnawing feeling is the measure of true childhood deprivation, not in terms of money, but in terms of security and well-being. It will follow you forever and hold you back in so many ways, not just in love, but in your career, your willingness to take risks to achieve things, and in the way you parent your children. It is a serious issue and you deserve to get help. Of course, tell your fiance that you feel a bit overwhelmed by the disparity of your relative circumstances, but I wouldn't saddle him with all of your negative feelings. Also, you really don't know the true circumstances of this family. There is often less money than you realize -- or more of it than you ever would have imagined. Wealth is very mysterious. That is just one more reason to judge your in-laws by what they do not their presumed fortune.

Obviously, you are privileged if you think it's simple to maintain good dental care. Once you have dental problems, the distinction between having and not having becomes very important in determining what you are able to do about them, if anything at all. For some people, dentures are actually the most affordable thing they could do, but still, by the time you get there you have many years of pain and agony. I think that a survey of the uninsured showed that access to dental care was among their highest priorities -- demonstrating the extent of dental problems in the population at large, as well as the obstacles to access to good dental care that exist.

Dental health is associated with overall health, and whatever the cause and effect relationship, if you have dental problems, you should be getting more not less medical and dental attention. There are a lot of reasons for tooth decay. His teeth might be very sensitive -- which could make even brushing painful. Moreover, smoking is so closely correlated with gum disease that it wouldn't surprise me if brushing is painful (and bloody) for that reason as well. These problems get worse not better with time, and eventually, he will lose all of his teeth and need serious medical care (and might suffer worse consequences as well). A local child recently died after an undiagnosed oral infection spread to his blood. His mother couldn't afford dental care.

There are dentists who advertise "pain free" dentistry. Call a few before making an appointment to discuss their approach. I have several dentists in my family -- believe me, they understand that their patients are afraid of pain.

My parents are not conservative and they are not practicing Christians but it still upset them when I moved in with my boyfriend lo these many years ago. So part of their reaction to LW's life probably just reflects the normal angst that parents go through when their child grows up and goes out in the world and takes risks -- like moving in with a man without benefit of the security of marriage. As for visiting -- if the parents have that many spare bedrooms, then I suppose if I had to stay there, I would just adhere to their rules without complaint, but even better, if LW has the means to do so, I would suggest that she declare her financial and personal independence by lodging in a nearby hotel. Invite the parents to Sunday brunch at the hotel -- that is, try to establish "new" traditions that emphasize LW's independence, and displace the old ones that reinforce her dependence, like getting up in the morning and letting mom fix breakfast. If she really, really, starts acting like the adult, hopefully the parents will in time start meeting her halfway. And even if they don't, she has established enough distance and perspective to keep at bay those evil demons that haunt the house where she grew up.