Honest doctors will -- and have always been willing to -- tell you that the reason not to go to the doctor is because, usually, the body heals itself, and for many centuries, and even still too often now, a doctor was more likely to hurt than help.

So, in my view, not going to the doctor until after some period of time you realize that what you have is not transitory, is a very, very good default rule. It was certainly my mother's rule.

In the case of your nagging pain, there is also a fair chance that a doctor would have counseled watchful waiting for a while, and that your own reluctance probably did not slow your diagnosis by more than a few months. An awful lot of people have nagging back pain.

It occurred to me as well that the intensity of LW's current feelings might relate to the recent birth of her child, but it may not have anything to do with post-partum depression. Having a child has a way of bringing religious ambivalence or differences to the center of the stage of a relationship. What LW could formerly tune out for herself as a fully formed adult is now being shoved in her face as she tries to determine what is best for her child. It's like someone is trying to take her child away from her. It is hard to explain, and by no means is it always an acute phenomenon, but as each childhood milestone is reached, others will be demanding a certain level of religious acceptance that will cause LW more and more agony: baptism, church nursery, Catholic school, first communion, and on and on.

Also, LW might have understood her husband was "Catholic" without understanding his level of involvment -- they might have moved back closer to his home, or he might have become more involved over time (this is what my husband did, and eventually, I told him, "no mas" for me -- I had reached my level -- fortunately, he isn't Catholic and is much more open minded than LW's extended family).

Opening up to the husband has risks -- but it also might bring out the best in him, to the benefit of the entire family. I certainly hope so, but the longer LW lives a lie, the harder this dilemma will become.

I also think talking to a priest is a good idea, not to be proselytized but to find a way of talking about the issue, and also, perhaps, allowing the priest to help in the discussion with the family. If they are truly Catholic, then having a priest on your side telling them to back off could be a very good strategic move.

The chasm between what you believe and what those around you believe is wider than the one I live with, but rest assured I empathize with your dilemma.

Not being honest with your husband's extended family is one thing. Not being honest with him is quite another. Why bother having children if it turns your life into one big lie? How much of this can you take before you become depressed or start using alcohol or otherwise sabotaging your life and your marriage?

You must find a way to tell your husband that you need space to re-examine your beliefs, and if necessary, space that allows you the personal integrity and dignity to live in accordance with your beliefs, including allowing your son to understand the alternatives to your husband's religion saturated Catholic family. It is an important lesson for him: that not everyone who is good and decent in the world is a believer, much less a Christian believer.

I read this and my BS antennae went way up. I think the ethicist gave the right ethical advice -- don't take freebies from the store's employees, as opposed to proprietors.

But the consistent receipt of free goods, some very expensive, from a wide range of vendors, is not the norm, even for very beautiful and charming women. This lady could be stealing, could be hiding the extent of her shopping addiction from her husband with facile explanations, or even fencing stolen goods. Who knows.

Having watched enough Dr. Phil, I put my money on kleptomania.

The first friend sounds like she might be trying to do what Carey thinks -- avoiding the pain of rejection by appearing not to really care. This seems like something that a little encouragement for greater openness might help.

The second -- well, let me tell you an anecdote: a male friend of mine went out for drinks with three of our mutual (female) unmarried colleagues who were all like your second friend, and they spent the entire time ridiculing the various men they had recently dated -- not smart enough, not enough potential, short, bald, etc.

He was astounded and turned off and said to me: "What makes them think they are so special?" They have a Groucho Marx problem of their own making

and they are all still unmarried.

Self-esteem is a wonderful thing and no one should get married just to get married, but it's obvious the second friend is shallow and more interested in status than love. I wouldn't get close to trying to resolve that issue and I certainly wouldn't point any male friends I actually liked in her direction unless they were really shallow as well.