Tom Cruise says that a scientologist has to stop at a car wreck and help. But I'm thinking, if Tom Cruise had ever actually done this, it surely would have made the news and I would have heard about it.

Well, like it or not he actually did:

http://www.sfgate.com/cgi-bin/blogs/sfgate/detail?blogid=7&entry_id=7975

MILF: Mother I'd Like to F*ck -- of any age, although most likely a hot young thing

Cougar: older woman who stalks *much* younger men

They are not interchangeable terms, although a person could certainly be both at the same time.

I don't see why MILF is especially offensive, I find it kind of funny myself. Frankly, if I ever do become an M, I certainly hope that people would still L to F me. What was that SNL "MomJean" tagline again: "Because you're not a woman anymore, you're a MOM!"

I do worry about becoming a cougar, but I'm only 34 so I've got some time to go before I can't pursue the 27 year olds without raising eyebrows.

FYI - the 'partner' is most likely a guy.

Not sure where all the confusion lies: she referred to her partner using "him", "he", "his", and "guy" six times in the letter.

I wouldn't worry too much about the squeeze. Your relationship seems sound enough and he seems honest enough that he told you about this, and also told you that it took a turn he wasn't expecting (i.e. she took the flirting seriously while he just liked the attention.) That makes him a little bit of a jerk in this one situation, but not a dealbreaker by any stretch of the imagination.

I had an ongoing flirtation with this guy once, he singled me out for attention when I went into where he worked (at least weekly), engaged in lots of little things like poking, hair pulling, tickling me as he walked past, etc. -- small intimacies that I mistook (not unreasonably) for actual interest. Turns out he was engaged the whole time and he never mentioned it. So, I was really hurt and pissed for a while because I thought he was on the level (and also because it caused me to doubt my perception of what was going on -- did I just invent it all?), but because I am also a more-or-less reasonable person I figured well hell, he was about to get married and that brings out all kinds of weird emotions in people, not limited to cold feet and a fear that your fiancee is only marrying you because you've been together for so long and not because you're still desirable. [And by the way to anyone who recognizes my name from earlier threads, this is *not* the friend at work who also did the crossing-the-physical-boundary flirting thing -- different guy, same total lack of actual interest :( ] I was right there to give him attention and let him know in my blushing, stammering way that yes indeed he was a very good looking man who was also interesting to talk to and have a few laughs with.

Look, everyone wants to feel desired; its flattering and it makes us feel human. Not everybody has the rock-hard self-confidence that the Salonista letter forum contributers think we should have, and its easy to wonder if your spousal-equivalent is only still with you out of habit, and not because you really have anything special to offer.

He may have dragged it on too long, but from the description I don't think he expected her to take it as seriously as she did. Hindsight is 20/20, etc. She's here now and he needs to use his clout as the client to get her to stop. I liked Allie's suggestion of calling the regional distributor and asking them to send a new rep as the current one is not working out to their satisfaction. If she shows up again, then you have a bona fide stalker and can deal with it without the concerns of the business angle getting in the way.

It's insulting to women in general, as a similar term would be to men in general;

Its only insulting if you're not one, I'd say. I can't imagine anyone who finds herself referred to as a MILF would actually be offended to discover that people think she's hot. I'd rather be a MILF than not.

but if there is an equivalent term, I've never heard it.

DILF, like the tasty thing I saw in Target a few weeks ago with a toddler seated in the shopping cart. Holy jeebus. His wife is a lucky, lucky woman.

What do you mean, you live upstairs and your husband lives downstairs?

Clean your freaking house, or hire a housekeeper. What kind of impression of adult responsibilities do you think your kids are getting? They're going to grow up to be total slobs, too. Consider that.

Would anyone under 30 use the term, "moral quandry"?

Sure. I grew up in a university town, and half my schoolmates were either children of professors or children of grad students. Taken as a whole, we were a fairly intelligent and well-spoken collection of kids, and also a little dramatic at times.

So what we have is a legal system that sanctions degrading behavior as long as it isn't sexually degrading.

They only thing the judgment means is that the plaintiff did not make a case for *sexual* harassment. In short, they overreached. If they had attempted to make a case for harassment, or better yet assault and battery, they might have won.