I am sorry you are having this problem. May I ask, does he touch you more when you are around other people than he does when you are alone with him?

Interesting question, because I generally don't hang out with him when he's with a group of people. We have gone out a couple of times with friends of his (versus mutual acquaintances) and that's when he's been touchy with me (as well as when we're alone). On the few occasions that we've been among mutual acquaintances, he's conducted himself as if we're the most casual of friends. In fairness, so have I for a variety of reasons, not the least of which being that I have an unfortunate tendency to wear my heart on my sleeve and unless I guard my behavior very carefully, I give the game away. The other reason is that since we are coworkers, our mutual acquaintances are *also* coworkers, and our office is a viper's nest of gossip and innuendo. So even if we all operate on the (most probable) assumption that there is absolutely nothing there, if he did anything so much as touch my arm while talking to me, I guarantee within three days the entire company would be talking about us sleeping together. (That's one of the other reasons I don't hang out with them -- I don't really like them all that much!)

Oh well. It is what it is; I try to be content with it, and do my best to carve out a meaningful friendship regardless of whatever else is going on. It's not easy, I'll say that much, but I'd rather have him as a good friend with a moderate level of disappointment, then have him as an awkward and uncomfortable acquaintance and a broken heart.

The obvious reading of this letter is that the LW is a teenager.

That's not obvious at all. I'm 33 and I still get crazy crushes and still can't figure out when I'm being played and when I'm not.

I started it, actually, so I guess they weren't really unsolicited. That's what happens when I open my big mouth. Too all the concerned parties who are convinced that my friend is a manipulative twat: he's not, at least not intentionally. He's not a total jerk, he does have feelings and some level of self-awareness, but I suspect that he doesn't quite understand just how intimate his body language is, and that probably also varies according to the recipient. For example, if you touch my arm, well that's kind of sparkly and fun and innocent, but if you put your hand on the small of my back, then sunshine you'd better fucking mean it. There is a physical boundary that he crosses that other guys don't (at least not in my experience) unless there is some actual desire for further intimacy. Maybe that's a conversation we should have He's a great guy in all other respects.

Kitchengirl

No he's not a nice guy, not one teensy bit. He's totally aware of what he's doing & why he's doing it. It's time for you to face the truth. Stop rationalizing everything he does & making excuses for him. He's a MARRIED--again M-A-R-R-I-E-D--user and you are the usee.

Hahahahaha! Excuse me? I'm sure his roommates would be astonished to find out that he has a wife (they'd probably be kind of pissed, too, since I don't think she's paying her share of the rent!), as would the rest of his family and friends who are continually trying to fix him up with a nice girl (or in some cases, a naughty girl).

You are a silly person making some deeply flawed assumptions about me and my friends, based on two posts I made where I clearly stated that he and I were actually quite good friends. I'm sorry you got duped by your spinning instructor, but this isn't some random guy that I see once a week at the gym (there is one of those, of course, but he told me right at the start that he was married so that's that!)

What can I say.

I know who I am. I know who he is. I know that he doesn't mean to hurt but still gives mixed signals because the attention is flattering, and I know that I try hard not to be a fool but still see things through a filter of my own wishful thinking. At the end of the day, we're both good people if a little short-sighted and clueless in our own ways.

One day some young lovely will stop him dead in his tracks, and I will have to do everything in my power to be happy for him that he found his match. Everyone deserves a big love, even irresponsibly flirty boys with blue eyes and dimples. Hopefully the universe will throw one my way, too. It's lonely out here!