Letters to the Editor
Allie_
Published Letters: 1252 Editor's Choice: 109
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Mental effects of illness
[Read the article: This is my brain on chemo]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've never had cancer. For me, it's lupus. But my experience with medical professionals is the same: "The mental effects are normal, given your condition. Don't worry about it."
Okay, I get it that you're rejoicing that my kidneys aren't eating themselves anymore. But could you please work on developing some treatment for the mental symptoms? "Don't worry" is not a useful prescription. Worry is not the problem here. Like Susan Mitchell, I want my old self back, the one who could, you know, THINK.
It sometimes feels as if doctors aren't terribly interested in patients as people. For some reason, there seems to be an unbreachable divide between caring for the body and caring for the mind.
I do have a couple of coping strategies: I learned that on bad days, when I simply can't concentrate on words, and my body isn't letting me exercise, I can still draw, quilt, paint, and do things with the other side of my brain. Quilting in particular is nice because when the fog lifts, you have this quilt - ta-da!
My other strategy, you seem to have already figured out on your own: tell people what the problem is. I don't have memory problems, but I do have what is called "clinical irritability." I used to joke with my husband, "How would they tell if I had clinical irritability? I'm pissed off already!" Well... when you have it, you can tell. In my case, something about listening to other people speak - voices, not other sounds, and just listening to words, not reading them - makes me hate everyone. I hate the TV in the waiting room. I hate the bitch who makes pleasant small talk when she asks me to sign in. I hate my husband when he asks if I'd like him to bring me something to drink from the kitchen. It's completely irrational, and though I can control my external reactions, I can't control my internal response. Usually this state only lasts for about four hours. It's very helpful to be able to say, "I can't stand listening to voices right now, would you mind not talking to me? I mean, not at all." Fortunately, I have a job which allows me to do this. If I had to work with other people, I wouldn't be able to do it.
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guys in the dark
[Read the article: Does sex through fraud constitute rape?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My take on whether or not she knew it was the brother:
Back in my college days, I had a fling with a man who had an identical twin. I met his brother and made out with him at a party before I ever met him, and then when I first met him we had one of those classic sitcom moments: "You don't remember me?" "Oh, you must have met my brother!"
After that, the brothers made it a game to try to get me to mistake one for the other. If my hand was dangling off the back of the couch and my boyfriend was stroking my palm, his brother would sneak up behind the couch and quietly take over. One would answer the door or the phone as the other. The brother who wasn't my boyfriend would walk up behind me in the dark hallway and give me a hug and try to kiss me.
Result: they never succeeded in causing me to mistake one for the other, after that first confused meeting. Not once. I could instantly tell one from the other by smell, voice, touch.
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masculine behavior
[Read the article: Does acting like "one of the boys" make you more likely to be harassed?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Masculine behavior... like holding a traditionally male job?
The conclusions drawn from this study are making my head hurt. This is the juxtaposition that bothered me the most, bold text mine:
"The more women deviated from traditional gender roles - by occupying a 'man's' job or having a 'masculine' personality - the more they were targeted," Dr Berdahl said. "Although having a masculine personality would seem to help employees fit into male-dominated work environments, having such a personality appears to have hurt the women in this study."
So... wait a minute... she's recommending... NOT TAKING THE JOB AT ALL as a way of getting ahead? How exactly would that benefit the women in question? Is there some other prescription she's suggesting? Or is she simply not aware of what she just said?
I'm fairly certain that men who sexually harass women at work are more likely to harass women who actually, you know, work with them. Yes, it would be easy for women to avoid sexual harassment at work by not working. Did we really need a study to figure that out? And is that observation in any way useful? To anyone?
This researcher's attitude reminds me of the Arabic men who claim that the oppression of women is actually for their protection. Or the old-school Southerners who said that lynching was the fault of black people who dared to own businesses. Yes, of course harassment is to punish the uppity. The solution isn't to tell victims to avoid being uppity, but to demonstrate that harassment won't be tolerated.
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re: reality based thinking
[Read the article: I don't want more kids but my wonderful husband does]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Genetics matter. The gods of political correctness have decreed that it's now sinful to say, "I want a child to carry on my genetic heritage; an adopted child will not do that." Nevertheless, many many people want a child to carry on their genetic heritage. This desire is only natural; in fact, it's the most natural desire there is.
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references
[Read the article: The boss's incompetent son wants an employment reference!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]My understanding about references (which I was taught is standard professional practice) is that you always give the most positive reference possible, given the circumstances. The potential employer is the one who is supposed to notice any significant omissions. If a reference says, "Well, he's good natured and always tries to follow instructions to the best of his abilities," the caller is supposed to understand from that, "He's a total buffoon."