Letters to the Editor

• choosing

  [Read the article: Casual hookups cause "gray rape"?]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  AKA Smith, I have to say I'm not quite on board with you.

  This is a case where a little bit of truth won't do it. To get the whole picture, it's necessary to tell the whole truth, even the uncomfortable parts.

  True: if someone gets drunk, and drunkeness causes that person to exercise bad judgment, and that person gets into a car and uses it to kill someone, that person is culpable, because he or she made the decision to get drunk in the first place.

  True: being passed out at a party with strangers who are extremely inebriated is not safe. No possible law can make it safe.

  True: rape is rape. Drunken men who rape women are nevertheless rapists, just as drunk drivers who kill people are murderers. The drunken men decided to get drunk.

  Also true: It's hard to be raped while passed out at a party if you aren't passed out at a party. The drunken women decided to get drunk.

  How are you supposed to protect women who are doing everything possible to endanger themselves? By pretending that they aren't, in fact, endangering themselves? Does that make sense? Does it make sense to require that all men at parties must remain sober and in their right minds, so that they can function as designated guardians of women who can't even form words? Does it maybe make sense to say to women, You know, getting so drunk in a public place that you pass out is REALLY STUPID. Anything might happen to you. There's a fine line between what you're doing and deciding to take a nap in the middle of the highway in faith that all the drivers will be conscientious and alert and avoid driving over you.

  When did we decide that it isn't even acceptable to tell people when they are being stupid?

  Healthyskeptic: oh dear. The phenomenon you describe isn't limited to women, however; I was browsing at a bookstore when a strange man started pouring out his life's history to me. He claimed to have been ritually molested as a child by a Satanic cult. I found his story both implausible on its own merits and completely inappropriate to spout off to a stranger in a bookstore. I kept repeating vague phrases of sympathy and suggesting that perhaps he should see a therapist. Gradually it dawned on me that he was hitting on me! Being a victim is a great way to get attention in our culture. You see this sort of thing all the time in chatrooms - the person whose shtick is being more wounded than anybody else, so that everyone is more or less forced to jump in with words of comfort and try to help.

  Permalink Thursday, August 30, 2007 06:41 PM