Letters to the Editor
Allie_
Published Letters: 1409 Editor's Choice: 113
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are you really this naive?
[Read the article: In the closet? Or just a bathroom stall?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The over-the-top tone of this article is astonishing to me. Let's see... Catherine... Price. That would be the woman who apparently was completely unaware that some gay men hook up in public bathrooms, and is shocked, just shocked, at picturing the lead-up to the event.
While Price is working herself into a tizzy picturing how scary it would be to have someone stick a hand into her stall, I'd like her to contemplate what it would be like to have a neighbor stick his dick into her stall. That's what happened to a friend of mine while he was using the john at work - a guy stuck his erect penis under the divider. "What the HELL are you doing?" my friend demanded. No response, just a gasp of shock (uh, little miscalculation there, ya think, buddy?) followed by a flurry of running feet. The funny thing is, I looked up his workplace online and found that his bathroom is listed on a gay website as one of the top 10 places to hook up in his city. Apparently everyone knew but the employees!
I'm with Xanthro that busting someone for playing footsie is a bit much. There's no law against asking if someone's interested in you, just against being persistent and obnoxious about it. Obviously guys deserve to be protected from people on their knees sticking their dicks under the divider, but is there some reason that people who are deliberately giving coded signals that they want sex should be safe from other people going along with it? As someone else stated, there's no actual lewd conduct involved here, and no proof that any was going to take place in a public space. There's not even any violation of the innocent, since the cop was giving signals to indicate that he was a willing participant. But that sort of bust is all-too-common in our homophobic world.
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meaningless yet still dangerous
[Read the article: Should strip-club bachelor parties be men-only?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It would be nice if Cary's answer told the whole story. The whole story is that this cliched crap sometimes really does end with people in jail - usually for vehicular homicide.
Don't worry that the macho girl will be making fun of you. Of course she will. But at the same time, all the guys will be looking down on her, so it all evens out. As long as you're absolutely sure your husband won't get drunk and fuck her, there's nothing to worry about in the long term. Who cares if her presence is appropriate? The whole party is by definition inappropriate.
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re: AKA Smith
[Read the article: In the closet? Or just a bathroom stall?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The usual reason for hooking up in a bathroom, not a bar, is that the participants have real lives which don't allow the expression of their true sexuality. In other words, they are married, or they are Senators who publicly oppose homosexuality, or they are Catholic priests, or they have parents who would kick them out of the house if they knew they were gay, or... Can you think of any reason why Senator Craig might not want to be seen frequenting a gay bar?
Yes, it's pathetic. Should it be illegal? Well... I think banging someone over the sink should be illegal. As you pointed out, someone's little boy might be watching. Should playing footsie with someone whose hand signals indicate interest, setting up another location, then going out separately, pretending nothing happened, and meeting there to have sex, be illegal? Not in my universe.
Americans like to mistreat marginalized groups. Today I can go have sex with my husband in the car at the park if I want to. In fact, my husband and I have been caught making out at a park by a cop who apologized for shining a flashlight on us. The cop wasn't shining his flashlight for his health; he was looking for people to mistreat. If we had been 17, he would have hauled us down to juvie. If we had been unmarried and of obviously different races or monetary status, he would have tried to arrest me for prostitution and my husband for solicitation. If we had been two men, he would have arrested us for public indecency. Same act, different status in the eyes of the police simply because married straight people have a protected status in our culture.
Not too long ago I had an encounter which gave me a glimpse into what it's like to be gay in our culture. Now, this probably won't be too interesting to anyone who lives in, say, SF, but it was unusual in Memphis. Driving home late at night, my husband and I stopped at a convenience store to buy some soda. My husband went in; I was tired, and leaned back in the seat. A truck pulled up beside us with two young men in it. Obviously they didn't see me and assumed my car was vacant. The driver began to change into a different shirt; the passenger put his arms around him while he was changing and kissed his belly. These were two young men, maybe 19 or 20, from all appearances typical redneck kids. About that time one of them looked over and noticed there was a person in the car next to them. And for just a moment they both looked absolutely fucking terrified. Not mildly embarrassed to be caught, as a straight man or woman might look in the same situation, but literally paralyzed with fear. Then I smiled, and they relaxed.
They had good reason to look paralyzed with fear. My father-in-law brags about beating up gay men. My friend's father, who is gay, was arrested for trying to pick an undercover officer up at a park (incidentally, he fought the charges, and got off.) These kids had every reason to believe that being caught kissing another man in a parking lot in Tennessee could lead to a bad situation.
I'm not trying to be nice to Senator Craig. I think hypocrisy and homophobia are disgusting. I just think this was a bad bust.