Letters to the Editor
Allie_
Published Letters: 1389 Editor's Choice: 112
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re: deering
[Read the article: How young is too young for mascara?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I will bet you every single woman on here has a story about getting publically dissed about her appearance by some male jerk. But because you refuse to believe it, they are lying, right? Moron.
I'd love to be on the same side as you - I support you in theory - but I feel obligated to come down on the side of the truth. I'm a woman, and the last time I was publicly dissed about my appearance was in high school. By another girl. I've never been dissed on my appearance by a man.
I'd like to think I'm attractive - I was a model briefly, and a semi-professional dancer briefly - but I don't wear makeup other than a little foundation, I wear jeans and t-shirts mostly, and since I've had lupus and stopped exercising as much I'm somewhat overweight. In other words, I ain't all that, I certainly don't make a great effort to live up to anyone's standard but my own, and I'm sure Ben Dover, for example, could find a lot to criticize about my appearance. But apparently Ben doesn't live near me. The men who do live near me either make no comments at all or make non-verbal, inoffensive, pleasant comments, such as holding eye contact and smiling while they hold doors for me. I've been whistled at by workmen, but I thought reasonable people knew that there is an understanding on the part of both parties that being whistled at by workmen isn't something to take seriously - heck, it's practically in their job description. I know the workmen aren't going to rape me, they have a job to do.
Maybe it's a Southern thing, but where I live, a man who takes it upon himself to make a comment about a lady's looks is asking for a shoe wedged up his buttocks.
Now, I have had plenty of WOMEN make comments about my appearance - although never in public - such as "You should do something with your hair," and "Why don't you try such-and-such diet."
Where do the rest of y'all live? I don't disbelieve your stories, but I have to say that I've never encountered anyone who cared enough to insult the hat of a random stranger on the street. I've seen women wearing flipflops and PJs to shop, and women with bizarrely ugly hair, and women who weigh 500 lbs, and I've never seen anyone insult a stranger.
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responding to insults
[Read the article: How young is too young for mascara?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Deering, the traditional Southern response to a woman who comments negatively on your appearance is to raise your eyebrows and say in an exaggerated voice, "Well, aren't you sweet!"
I've never encountered the situation, but I believe the correct response to anyone, male or female, who makes a comment about someone else's assistive equipment (I'm guessing you mean something like the brace my neighbor with lupus uses to keep her back properly aligned) is: "What the fuck is wrong with you?" This should be said loudly enough to get the attention of other people nearby, who can be assumed not to be assholes and will then join you in giving the man the evil eye. If that's not a correct assumption - if more than one man in your vicinity feels it's appropriate to mock other people's health problems - then yes, you might consider moving.
I don't know why our experiences are so different - I'm trying to picture living in a world where adults insult other people's braces - maybe part of the reason is that I'm tall, still look athletic (although I'm not really) and don't look easily messed with. My boyfriends used to tell me they would never insult me because they were afraid of my mother, and now that I'm older, I strongly resemble her.
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straight guys do flirt with gay guys
[Read the article: Do you have to be gay to tell another guy his eyes are pretty?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Cary's right about that.
I don't think the guy is necessarily trying to fuck with you - where I come from, flirting (at work/not at work, man -> woman, and by extension man -> man) is a form of flattery. I work with a gay guy and the straight guys flirt with him like crazy and everyone knows it's not serious and it's all in good fun.
However - this guy sounds like he may be gay. The lengthy eye contact preceding the remark isn't something a straight guy would do as a compliment or flirtation. Body language is more telling than spoken language.
Little too late to ask him about it now. Next time it happens, ask him if he's hitting on you. If he says no, then you have an opening to tell him you're not comfortable with that sort of comment if he's not serious.
Okay, okay - you might get hurt by a narcissist. You might end up having an uncomfortable workplace affair. Big whoop. You might also end up getting laid by a mind-blowingly handsome guy who seems to like you as a person. Everyone's being so serious, as if a bad affair is the end of the world.
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re: Linney
[Read the article: America as a lesbian safe haven?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It's called BROADsheet. This is the women's issues section of Salon. Maybe you missed that. Salon has many sections and many different types of articles, many of which focus on men.
Hands up, anyone who thinks that it's inappropriate for the women's issues section to focus on women's issues? I'd like to know who the assholes are.