Letters to the Editor
Allie_
Published Letters: 1252 Editor's Choice: 109
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He's mentally ill
[Read the article: I'm ashamed to be ashamed of my father]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]First of all, I can't help giggling at the idea of "winning" a Purple Heart. You are awarded a Purple Heart; but it seems odd to win one, unless there was a chicken contest involving standing in enemy fire.
Your dad sounds mentally ill.
There's a service which specializes in handling situations just like this one. Not only do they fix the problems and clean the house, they teach the person skills to stay on top of things. Look up "hoarding". Your father may or may not be a hoarder (although the extensive collection which isn't cared for is a red flag) but they can help anyway.
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resources
[Read the article: I'm ashamed to be ashamed of my father]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Go here:
http://www.childrenofhoarders.com/bindex.php
And see if this rings a bell.
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there's that word again!
[Read the article: "Sopranos" wrap-up: Hide-and-seek]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Just finished Robert Hare's book. That would be the expert on sociopathy (he prefers psychopathy) referenced repeatedly on the show. Hare created the diagnostic test which was used to determine which criminals in the study which is referenced on the show were sociopaths.
The evidence is overwhelming that according to Hare's diagnostics, Tony Soprano is not a sociopath. The majority of criminals, even violent criminals, are not. Sociopaths, Hare says, never seek psychological help unless ordered to by a court. They never get depressed. They are rarely found in mobs and organized crime, because they are "loose cannons" who are weeded out by the others. They don't work with other sociopaths except in very rare cases. They certainly don't form long-term, loyal bonds with other sociopaths, as Tony formed with Sil, just to give a single example.
Is Tony a normal person? That's a different matter. But he is most certainly NOT a sociopath, by the medical definition of that word.
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Just to be different
[Read the article: We had a secret online affair ... and then he killed himself]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Go ahead, contact the wife. Don't tell her you were a fling; tell her you were a friend and you want to offer condolences on his death.
Or... maybe... oh heck, I can't sustain this. That would be a terrible idea, given the person you are. The wife would see through you in two seconds.
But isn't it tempting?
I agree with those who think you really want contact not to help the wife, but for yourself. I don't think that makes you a selfish monster, I think it makes you an ordinary human being with human curiosity and a need for closure. After all, you once loved this guy, and it is always going to feel tragic that he died badly.
I can't honestly think of a way for you to get the satisfaction you want without hurting other people. So let it go.
One other thing - you're assuming that he killed himself because of a scandal of some sort, a "big thing." But most suicides aren't about big things. They are often about little things. Things that aren't always even visible to anyone but the person who kills himself. Often combined with a whopping big dose of not being as able to deal with little things as others are, due to stress or depression or other incipient mental illness.
If I had to guess, I'd figure he was already going downhill at the time he started spending all his time on the internet and indulging himself in unpleasant fantasies. In other words, those things were symptoms, not causes. If that's the case - I say if - then you do have part of the picture, just not the part you think you have.
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skanky?
[Read the article: Equal-opportunity skankiness]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Doesn't "skanky" mean "like a skank", in other words a woman of questionable morals? It's a female-specific term and there isn't really a male equivalent, since there's no derogatory term for a man who has too much sex. "Playa" doesn't carry the same connotations.
Over-the-top, kidding himself, trying too hard... yep, yep, and yep. But skanky?
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good news!
[Read the article: District attorney won't take gang rape case]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]So we get a review. Great news, that's exactly what's needed here. I hope the A.G. doesn't agree with the D.A.'s assessment that it's only possible to prosecute a rape when there are witnesses throughout the whole proceeding!
AKA Smith, we've been talking about sociopaths a lot in various threads - I believe you said you've read the Stout book. Remember the chapter on gaslighting? One of the things sociopaths do is to attack people of conscience by turning their conscience against them. "You good people are always so sure of yourselves." Of course, this only works because truly good people are never sure of themselves; it throws them. Am I truly being fair? Might this person have a point that I haven't considered?
Yep, you are truly being fair, there's nothing wrong with you. Nope, the attacker doesn't have a point. He's just a sociopath. Read his letters and it's clear he spends his entire waking life trying to harm others.
Just be happy you're on the far side of a computer screen from these guys and don't let them get to you.
Now, about the mob mentality. While I'd like to think that "normal" guys could never participate in a gang rape, the evidence is pretty overwhelming that guys (and girls) acting as part of a group can do horrifying things that they would never do alone. Because the guilt is shared, no one man feels responsible for his behavior. More than likely there is one sicko bastard who was a pack leader, but it doesn't follow that all of them are sicko bastards. Just ordinary human criminals, justifying criminal conduct by saying, "But everyone else was doing it and besides I was drunk."