In the World According to Brightstar, I have all those and then some. So, Brightstar…you mean I can sleep with a man whose name I don’t know once, sneak out before he wakes up, and leave him to either scrape up the funds for an abortion, or deal with 18 years of nappies and school supplies and teen rebellion by himself? Lovely, where can I apply?

You mean I can I watch football in the waiting room while my husband painfully disgorges a screaming 9-pound 12-oz. tumour from his bum? Golly gee, thanks!

You mean I can divorce my balding, pot-bellied husband for a younger model, leave the mouthy teens with him, and have a second set of precious babies at age 47? Why, that’s just ducky!

You mean I can dedicate every waking moment to amassing my fortune, then marry a smashing 30-year-old Adonis and have lovely healthy biological children at age 60? Yippy-skippy!

You mean my confident attitude and six-figure income will cause fit young stud muffins to magically overlook my grey hairs, laugh lines, and saddlebags? Happy, happy, joy, joy!

You mean I can go to any largish city, at any time, regardless of my age or looks, and find a fit, handsome, congenial young man to provide me with sexual pleasure for less than two hours’ wages, with no questions asked? HAAAALL-e-lu-jah!

You mean I can sleep with a different fellow every weekend and have all my friends admire me for it? Thank you sir! Can I have another?

You mean I can pop a simple pill and be sexually functional up till the day I die? Oh happy days!

You mean I can have a 100% guaranteed orgasm every time through a simple, repetitive thrusting motion? Thank you, that would be greatly appreciated!

Now, in all seriousness…some of your beefs, like those involving pregnancy and reproductive rights, are simple matters of biology, and not to be altered by any conceivable (ha) regulation or legislation. Would you honestly support either forced pregnancy or forced abortion? Curse God if you must, but spewing this amount of hatred and bitterness toward fellow humans who have no more control over the human condition than you do speaks to me of a soul disturbed to the point of dangerous irrationality. If the American police state were serving the purpose for which it was (ostensibly) intended, all coeducational schools within 50 miles of your IP address would be alerted - could prevent another Ecole Polytechnique massacre.

P.S. Are your initials J.T. by any chance?

It is unconscionable that SOCIETY DENIES men the right to become pregnant. We must all write our legislators immediately, and demand that a law be passed to address this grave injustice. They may turn firehoses on you and your bulging belly as you waddle bravely into your Lamaze class, they may snub you at playgroup, but weeee shall ooooovercome!

Oh, and why the bloody hell is it getting so cold right now? How is it fair that I can wear shorts and halter tops for less than half the year, while equatorial residents can wear them year round? How dare they hog all the warm, sunny weather while the rest of freeze our noses off? The U.N. really should pass some sort of resolution modifying the faulty axial tilt of this planet.

Dear me, it's the waaaaaaaahmbulance! Just lie down on the stretcher, Brightstar darling, and let the nice men in white take care of you.

A foreign country decides that virginity is not a vital aspect of character, and you manage to turn into WHY FEMINISTS (i.e. women) DESPISE MEN (i.e. you) SO DAMN MUCH. Don't worry--as soon as they wipe the froth off your chin and get you on the proper pills, you’ll be ever so much more appealing. And if you don't hurl your meal tray at the nurses, you can even earn computer privileges again. It might be therapeutic for you to get your own blog where you can air your feelings about these issues.

On page 5, Brightstar says: "And I...think it was a nice thing that a woman stay a virgin til marriage and that a man gets around and learns how to please his new virgin wife."

With whom, pray tell, should these men be "getting around"? Sheep? Pumpkins? Each other? Nooooo...the heterosexual majority of them will be getting around with the OTHER kind of women--those nasty, dirty whores.

So a woman, at a very early age, must decide once and for all whether she's going to be a whore, trading all hope of marriage, family, and respect for sexual experience and fun, or a good girl, staying a virgin until her wedding night and making the opposite trade. While men are free to experience both worlds, and no one thinks the worse of them for it.

Well, you must be a comically unlucky soul to be born when and where you were, because this was precisely the state of affairs for >99% of human history--and, as this news story illustrates, still is in many cultures. THIS is part of that injustice those silly feminists are always whinging about. Your constant outcry only proves that you have neither experienced nor empathise with true unfairness.

But only if you're between 18-29 years of age, 6' to 6'6" tall, with a BMI of 18.5-21 and body fat percentage of <15%, broad shoulders, narrow hips, nice arse, a penis at least 7" long, a full head of lush shoulder-length or longer hair, and a classically handsome face.

Question: which would you find easier--to become rich enough to hire a beautiful young kept woman, or to fit the above standards yourself?