Letters to the Editor
Herself
Published Letters: 182 Editor's Choice: 17
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I didn't get the memo
[Read the article: The 9/11 backlash against women]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I did not see feminism get battered. Being a Bay Area person, I do recall reading about the FA (Ms. Ong) calmly describing the scene to authorities. I read about the boiled water attack. I read that all of the firefighters happened to be male, which makes sense given that few NY firefighters are women. I did hear the Transit Authority's female dispatcher's last panicked call from the call center before she died. I recall the female NYC cop who was photographed helping a bleeding business man just an hour before she died in the collapse. I saw photos of many men in the wreckage and a goodly number of women who specialize in managing rescue and cadaver dogs. I read obituaries for women workers in the towers. I read about the Barbara Olsen, who called her husband from her doomed flight that hit the Pentagon.
On the "lighter" side, I heard about all those people who decided that life was short and marriage might be good after all. Those people were men. The spin was that all these commitment phobic bachelors and divorced guys saw the error of their ways.
On the heaviest side of all, I hear about women coming home from the various wars with limbs missing.
I guess I missed something. Maybe it is because I, as a 1970s feminist, *have* seen great improvements for women and have not been actively looking for umbrage at some puff pieces and snark from middle aged male dinosaurs hoping to get their licks in while their ideology is twitching in the tar pit.
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One Solution
[Read the article: Ask the pilot]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Fly less if you don't have a good reason to.
Don't take three one week vacations to travel. Pile it together and spend three weeks where you're going.
If you date on the internet, pick someone local. If there's no one in town, move.
I'm single. My relatives never visit me. They even called me to tell me to cancel a recent trip because they decided they couldn't be bothered to stay in town to see me. Guess who's never flying to New York again? Life's not fair and neither am I.
If you do like your relatives and they like you, don't move halfway across the country. I am sure you can telecommute or find a similar job within driving distance.
If you can avoid travelling by air on business, do. Telecommute or do a video conference. Travelling for business is basically putting in 24 hour days on your trip. And they never reimburse you for sitters, be they pet or child.
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It only encourages them
[Read the article: Help pay the RIAA defendant's downloading fine]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The problem with sending her money to pay those guys off is that they still get the money. It will only encourage them. She can declare bankruptcy, probably keep her house, get a fresh bunch of credit cards and start over again. They would not get one thin dime.
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Moving Tips
[Read the article: We're sick of Southern California! Should we move to the Midwest? ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]There are some things you can do before you move to find out where you are going. This is going to sound weird, but go to the online personal ad sites (together, so you can both look). Punch in the age range that you want your friends to be in. Punch in the town or zip code. In personal ads, people list their hobbies and interests. The only difference between married and single people is that single people without kids may have kid-free interests. Divorced parents will have interests that involve kids. Read what they do for fun. If you like doing those things too, that might be a good place. For example in some places, its hunting and fishing. In others, everyone goes to the theater.
Another thing to do is visit the sites that sell demographics for marketing. Visit www.claritas.com. You can punch in zip codes to see what the marketing professionals know about that area. The U.S. census also has reports on demographics in terms of age and families. Check political sites, as well. There are breakdowns of red state, blue state and shades of purple that may be important.
It is indeed a good idea to do the move before you have children. There's that much less stuff to pack. Do be aware that when you move, you will feel pretty stressed out for up to two years as you build new connections and community. That's normal. I have seen it with a lot of my friends. Also accept that a new place might not work out, so keep researching even after you have moved, so you have a Plan B.
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Dogs
[Read the article: Lonely single guy tired of being lonely and single seeks person ]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]One caveat about volunteers is that a lot are retirees or post-children middle-aged ladies. Find a volunteer gig that is physically challenging. That'd get the younger crowd. I think the marine mammal crowd and the Habitat crowd are younger.
Having a crowd is good. If you hang out with lots of folks your age, you probably will wind up with one of those folks in your crowd. I know the Burning Man crew tends to skew to younger and active techno types and artists - very interesting people.
As for adopting a dog, I am with the other folks who say to not get a dog unless you really want one. HOWEVER, if you have as many married friends as you say you do, there is nothing wrong with offering to take in their dogs while they are on vacation. You would not be the first bachelor I've met with a borrowed dog. If you meet women with a borrowed dog, they'll know you have friends and are kind to friends and their dogs. This is a big cup of win for everyone.