I realized after posting earlier that this young woman really "didn't have a clue" ... anxiety about not having anything memorable and/or witty to add to her coffee-clatch was compromising her good instincts ....

Seriously ... The book has helped others and can help you as well ... There are other similar self-help books available at your local library (where no one you know will witness) ... for god's sake, avail yourself before you totally destroy your crebibility as an intelligent responsible person ... really ..

Carnegie's advice is tried and true and generally irrc "honorable" and it might just give the author -- and anyone else desperate about holding up their end of the conversation -- enough self-confidence to do better.

[this is my "compassionate" response. In my family we had mealtimes in which we were all expected to engage in "civilized" conversation -- sulking, brooding and sighing were generally ignored. I have worked with any number of younger co-workers who appeared -- at first -- to have no boundaries and no sense of propriety (so easily did they share extremely "personal" details). Eventually, I came to suspect that they simply had no "training" in what used to be call "small talk." This is an alternate, and more compassionate, imho, theory. ]

Don't knock it until you've tried it ...

I would recommend starting -- for yourself -- with envisioning where you want to be in 5 years ... same city, different city, same job, different job, same social life, different social life. You deserve some time-off from all that "running a household" entails ...

Certainly, you don't have to wait 5 years to make some serious changes or some gigantic leaps ... but you need to have your eyes on the prize, your ducks in a row and some determination in your heart (making changes often involves expenses that are best anticipated). Review your pension situation and your social security plans. Your work place may have counselors.

Your son is taking advantage of you and you know it ... he yells at you and you apparently back down. You don't want conflict because he's all the family you have ... it's a dreadful cycle. I really do not like that your son feels entitled to yell at you ... or that you tolerate it. I suspect there is more you 'tolerate' to avoid unpleasantness.

Make your plans, financial and otherwise and set your sights. It may well be easier to move yourself than to get him to see the light and either contribute or move out. Moving may not be affordable or compatible with your other plans. Think long and hard about whether you want him as a roommate, even if he assumed 50% of the expenses (after you've figured out what 50% of the expenses really amounts to including shopping for him, cook for him, doing his laundry ...)

He may well have his problems, but certainly you have yours. You two may choose to be supportive of one another or not. I suspect he will "punish" you ... like the spoiled child he is. You may want to consider some form of peer counseling if you do not have a supportive circle of friends ...

Good luck.

Your description of your life with your son and your "compatibility" is rather vague, but reminds me a bit of some issues in my own family ... where, like Lake Wobegon, we were all above-average, intelligent, talented, full of potential and, of course loving and respectful of one another ... except... it wasn't really true or it was true only on the surface.

I think you need to REALLY listen to your son ... and, quite possibly, make him talk to you.

Millions of women (and men) wake up after being married for some time to wonder whatever became of that cheerful spontaneous generous good-companion they married. I've known too many women who would not dare to assert themselves to the point of chosing which movie to see (or vetoing his choice) or where to dine .... to keep the peace, y'know, because they'd never "win" anyway.

I think you need to pay attention with clear eyes to the current state of your relationship with your son. I'm uncertain how "happy" either of you are ... but is he a reliably cheerful face when you get up in the morning, come home from work? Does he do the dishes, help make dinner, run errands? Do you have meals together, watch TV, chat?

It's too easy to take for granted some sort of "silence is golden" peacefulness that really represents more of a "ships that pass in the night" tolerance.... a "compatibility" that would not stand some small thing, like running out of milk or failing to to faithfully do the laundry ... my suspicion is that you are doing a great deal more than you're admitting ... including a fair amount of "walking on eggshells" in your own home.

My older brother was a terrible tyrant, like your son, the first born man-of-the-family. It got worse as my mother got older and tried to rely on his promised assistance. He played her like a violin -- withholding his love and support whenever she failed to do what he wanted. Don't let that happen to you. It's better to be alone. Really.

embarrassed them by their (alleged) sexual conduct...

It hate this subject ... I thought it had died a thousand deaths in the interminable discussions of what sort of woman Mrs. Gary Condit must be to have stood by HER husband despite years of alleged infidelity and worse ...

Maybe it's love, respect, the realization that life with this person is better than life without him ... is it too bad most of us will never know such a marriage? ...

God only knows what Suzanne Craig knows, knew, felt or feels ... the implication is that she was somehow "deceived" and is therefore a "victim" ... and that she has assumed some new cliched identity as the "supportive spouse" ... what? because a "real women" would have kicked him to the curb?

shameful.