unless this is a monumentally immature 15-year-old with no friends -- ferchrissake, at least SOME of his friends and acquaintances and classmates are smoking pot and doing drugs ... I'm still unsure what his objections to mom's pot smoking "really" are -- dinner's late, I'm afraid to bring my friends over, I'm ashamed of my mother -- but IF (big if) he is genuinely this frightened of pot and other recreational drugs, I think there may be other issues.

Smoking pot and drinking beer and a bit of reckless driving are all part of normal adolescent experiementation. Sonny needs to learn to respect other people's choices, including his peers, including his parents. He doesn't get to make the rules, with his parents or his friends. He can make all the rules regarding himself he wants, but he needs to know that won't protect him, even from breaking his own rules.

As has been pointed out, in her letter, LW seems to fundamentally disapprove of this MOM -- "enjoying" having a "wacky" or an old "true" friend can conceal a great deal of disapproval. I hope she will consider this before she offers anyone any advice. LW seems to believe that the son's preferences/demands/concerns have legitimate weight here. All I can say is, I.don't.think.so. Families are not democracies with everyone getting to vote, much less make ultimatums.

It's possible he has some legitimate concerns wrt mom, but frankly he's a kid. He's going to graduate from high school any day now and soon he'll be on his own. [as presented, for whatever reason, there's no evidence he has any compassion or respect for her, her choices, her right to do things he disapproves of, etc.]

My guess is that he has some legitimate concerns about his own self (normal for that age) and his problem with "mom" is subterfuge. It's possible that he "just wants attention" -- it's also possible that he REALLY REALLY REALLY NEEDS some attention. He's really trying to force the issue and he needs to have that power taken away from him -- unless his PARENTS decide, for instance, that a time out/away, military school, outward bound or bible camp is a good compromise solution -- it's their decision.

If LW can refrain from prying and/or criticising (doubful) she could be a much needed ear ... but I think she should butt out and encourage Dad to step up to the plate. Regardless of how long y'all have been friends, he's "not your kid."

It's a reasonable suggestion and might open sonny's eyes to what other kids are dealing with as well as giving him a place to vent, get support, etc., safely.

My parents were alcoholics and I was amazed by the benefit I received from ACA, putting things in perspective, sorting out my feelings, and learning to live with my parents AFTER accepting that really and truly they weren't ever going to "be there" for me. ACA is for adults and I don't think Sonny is mature enough.

Alanon might be a safe place to refer Sonny for "his" problem with mom's substance abuse ... and might clarify what's "really" going on.

Learning to ask for and accept help -- priceless.

so, if he never read the reports, he didn't lie when he said he didn't know of any violations???

I gotta tell my boss that failure to perform one's responsibilities is a legitimate culpability dodge ...

Michael Brown (of Katrina/FEMA fame) looks hard-working and diligent in comparision ....

Fredo, I know it was you.

or how a "fib" to protect a friend isn't actually a crime, if (a) your friend told you to ... and

(b) your friend is the president

I have two brothers who are very very different but who are both "control freaks" ... one apparently from birth, the other evolved ... they are both very difficult to be around and while very attractive, they have great difficulty maintaining relationships.

Both tend to rescue "waif" types, attempt pygmalion fashion to educate and cure them, only to have them leave, usually angrily, after a few years of being corrected, bullied, badgered and "fixed."

It may be too late for this young man but it's worth a try. I'm not sure what his primary objection to mom's pot smoking is -- but I'm suspecting that it's more about her failing to "keep her promise to stop" or some such.

This boy needs a remedial course in tolerance and impermanence and limits -- he will be a better person for it.

Alateen is a good idea.

I have to wonder if he is considered a "narc" by his peers -- or if he plans a career in law enforcement (guns, uniforms, oh my!) -- or -- quite likely he really really knows how to pull the family chain.

My mother was conflict averse to such an extreme I really didn't recognize how unhealthy it was until mid adulthood -- all that shying away, capitulating, giving in just to avoid another "silent treatment" or worse.

It's not about the mom.

that rather than hinging on the parsing of "verified" as many here speculated yesterday, the "off the hook" fine-line is that the reported abuses were "accidental" and thus somehow don't count.

The WP goes inside with two Justice Department officials saying that Attorney General Alberto Gonzales didn't lie to Congress when he affirmed there hadn't been "one verified case of civil liberties abuse." Even though he knew of the reports that detailed how FBI officials had frequently overstepped their bounds, it turns out they weren't abuses because they weren't intentional.

Like the Libby pardon, if this is upheld as a "legitimate mediating factor", the insanity and other "impairment" defense (not to mention all those "kiddy killers") will get a big boost and all sorts of folks are going to be petitioning for appeals.

iokiyar .... it's okay if you are a republican