Letters to the Editor

• consider also, doing nothing ... let me explain ..

  [Read the article: My new roommate arrived ... with mom attached!]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  Tom Friedman wrote a column a few days ago in which he mentioned an incident several years ago where, having approached an airport cashier to pay for some magazines, he was accused by a woman who swept in of "cutting the line" (there was no line, he was certain) ...

  He said that THEN he held his ground but that he was unlikely -- in this age of cell phones and MySpace and bloggers -- to ever do so again. It simply was not worth risking being haunted by trivial incidents/annoyances ... (he went on to say that he worried about the negative effects of such cautiousness ... etc.)

  There's no such thing as a free lunch." and rarely a Perfect sublet. (If co-housing were easy, it would be the norm most single people, young and old, for instance.)

  So -- When I'm all bent out of shape, as you are, I always think it's useful to get in touch with my "fantesy" of how this was "supposed" to work ... for you, also how you thought life with this sublet/any sublet for the summer was going to work. What if, instead, she was a wildly popular party girl or a pathetic sniveling "lonely girl" anxious to tag along ... sharing a living space is difficult and ... while MOM represent an "unusual" situation ... it's always something.

  My guess is that there is no written sublet agreement (or it would have been mentioned) and if there is, it's not specific about the relevant specificities.

  I hope there is not already too much "bad feelings" --- LW says that she explained to them that and why having a third person :

  and that apparently did not "move" them ... either because they don't care about "your feelings" or possibly they don't recognize your authority ...

  It would be good to know what they were told by your absent roommate ... In the absence of a contract, if your absent room mate verbally assured them it would be fine if MOM helped daughter "settle in" or even used the house as an occasional pied a terre, you may be on the wrong end of this.

  Consider doing nothing. Consider ignoring them. Living with them as temporary strangers. Not what you planned, certainly ... but how much upset, anxiety and complication is it worth to you? Next time, you'll have a written agreement ... next time, it will be spelled out.

  Right now, I think you should go away for the weekend (would it really be that different if MOM was back home? after all, you'd still be turning over your home to a stranger ... (yes all 3 rooms should have door locks and secured storage ... even if you adored this new sublet, you'd still be wise to secure your valuable/personal items against visitors or party goers)

  If your sublet is a friend of one of your regular room mates or if she's going to be traveling in the same social circles in the future (or "powerful" circles), treating her (and MOM) might come back to haunt you.

  Many time being "right" is not all that it's cracked up to be ... and the fall-out from pressing the issue can make the initial "problem" seem trivial.

  (fwiw, it may be the MOM's ministrations are hotly resented by your sublet who feel unable/unwilling to stand up to MOM. If such a mom becomes convinced she MUST dig in her heels, well, god help you.)

  Permalink Friday, July 6, 2007 04:35 PM

• I have seen John Burns many times on Charlie Rose -- last maybe 2 months ago --

  [Read the article: The NYT's growing pro-war fan club]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  I have never found him to be a "war advocate"; rather, he clearly cares deeply about Iraq, the Iraqis he works with, and in my opinion, he made clear that he believes Iraqi will descend into unimaginable violence, quite possibly genocidal in scope.

  While YMMV, I don't equate trying to avoid such a disaster with being a "war advocate" ...

  I do not recall any enthusiasm on his part for, say, greater efforts at military pacification.

  I'm on very slow dialup and so can't "do" streaming video but Charlie Rose video archives are available. The NYT Baghdad Bureau did a "what is life like there?" feature a few weeks ago which put personal voices to some of the bylines and contributors. It's probably available in Times Select. None of my questions got answered.

  I think it's easy to ignore that a lot of "our" people in Iraq are trying to make things better, hoping to make things better -- the fact that you and I do not believe their efforts will bear fruit or are even well conceived does not make them "war mongerers" ... my impression was that John Burns really fears America, bored with failure, will selfishly just walk away and turn its collective back on Iraq ...

  (I'm still wondering about what happened to Petraeus' neighborhood policing plan, whose "bright idea" those walls were, and if the current strategy (which looks frighteningly like several "new strategies" past) is a fall back -- cobbled together when they were "forced" to abandon their original plan with the surge already underway, i.e., no actual plan at all, just doing the same thing and hoping for a better outcome ... ymmv).

  Permalink Sunday, July 8, 2007 12:03 PM

• enjoyed (and admired) it immensely ... it was a great mix of old and new acts and all the sets I saw

  [Read the article: Al's big day]
  [Read more letters about this article: Here]

  were great (minus a few quibbles -- I loathe Madonna)

  Shakira is the prettiest thing I've seen on television in years and Alicia Keys was amazing ...

  It left me feeling more positive positive than I have in months and months -0- I needed that. (damn George Bush) ...

  Permalink Sunday, July 8, 2007 04:15 PM