... for No. Sexiness truly is a mental thing. I have small breasts, and I have (really!) never once thought about the media, its opinion of my body, or whether my body fits what they're "selling." Never crossed my mind one time, honestly. And I'm American! So, they aren't "causing" you to be dissatisfied, know what I mean?

Many, many, many men love small breasts (and you have one of those guys already). I guess it seems like it would be so much easier and less expensive to rock the body you've got. It's do-able, really. And whoever said that evening gowns or sundresses are problematic when you're small-breasted -- nothing could be further from the truth.

I forget who said it... "We don't see the world as it is, we see the world as we are." You see media oppression, and that's fair. I wouldn't take that away from you. But I'm just serving up what could be a radical thought: maybe it's the filter you're looking through, you know? 'Cause that's not reality for everyone.

Great response from Cary.... Great, GREAT, GREAT response. Really lovely. Just stick with that, LW.

Yeah, prolly it's "against the rules" to put a plant there, though I really like that idea. In itself, it's kind-of seditious, which is why I like it.

I don't think you're a doormat, LW. It's just one of those things where your instinct is to be kind, and you didn't realize what a pain in the ass it was going to be. I'm with you on the autonomy thing too. Especially in your own home.

Anyway, the thing I'd suggest -- and this is always true when setting any kind of boundary -- is to just come up with a sentence and then repeat it over and over as needed. Let's see...

Neighbor: "My cousin's coming in this weekend; can we use your space?"

LW: "Oh, gosh! No, sorry, that's not going to work for me."

Neighbor: "Um... what do you mean? You're not even using the space."

LW: "Sorry [bright smile], that's not going to work for me."

Neighbor: "But it's always empty. It just sits there, and there's nowhere for the rest of us to park."

LW: "That's not going to work for me."

Neighbor: "But he'll have to park in the alley and get his car towed."

LW: "It won't work for me. [another bright smile]"

A friend of mine does this expertly. She even touches the person's arm while she gives the bright smile, but the key is that her words are very explicit and she looks you right in the eye.

Now, how you eject someone who's already parked there. First time, leave a note saying you'll have it towed next time. It can even be a really sweet note, since you don't want to be a "bitch," but make sure it's crystal clear. Second time: Tow.

Funny thing though: Guys don't worry about being "nice," do they?

One thing not to do is lie ("I'm expecting visitors" or whatever). That robs you of the autonomy that you're after, know what I mean? I wouldn't even switch my parking habits, for the same reason. If you set a boundary, then you don't have to keep track of your lies or rearrange your life or anything. That's the beauty of a good boundary. Does it piss people off? Maybe... but would you rather they be pissed or you?

You've no idea, really, how great it is not to be drunk or hungover. I think it was CS Lewis, in the Screwtape Letters, who says that the devil (used metaphorically here, don't freak) tricks us into thinking that we can't have two good things at the same time. In your case, "I can't have both sobriety and motivation." What if you could have energy and motivation and clarity and creativity and fresh starts without the hangover? Hm? What then? Would you give up drinking then? If your answer starts with, "But..." then, believe me, sir, you have a drinking problem. But you already knew that, right?

See, you have a drinking problem, and you're trying to negotiate with it. Trust me, alcoholism don't play.

Anyway, for what it's worth, I assure you that you can have both sobriety and focus. It's not an insta-pill solution, but it's worth the trouble because it's an enduring solution.

Um, it's boorish, not "borish."

What does NIMBY stand for?

Oh, Lawdy. You shouldn't have a kid. Life requires a modicum of hope and optimism and, well, gumption. "Joyful participation in the sorrows of the world," as someone -- a Buddhist, I think -- said. If you're this passive now, then that wouldn't bode well at all for the kid. Your despair seems to be a decision rather than a mood. A drag, y'know? Then again -- and I have witnessed this, it's fascinating -- a vital new soul could completely trump your milquetoast approach to life, could surprise you like a flower shooting up through concrete. You never know.

LW, don't take this the wrong way, but you've left out some information. Such as... have you ever talked with him about this? You know, told him to knock it off? I ask that not because I think it would do any good, but because your answer will shed more light on this.