Letters to the Editor
Jen in NC
Published Letters: 7 Editor's Choice: 1
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What I'm trying to understand is ...
[Read the article: Instant prejudice: Korea and Virginia Tech]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]... why do all the news media persist in writing his name in the Korean style, Cho Seung-Hui? It seems clear both from his plays and from a New York Times article today that he called himself Seung Cho. I'm sure the stylebook says that is the "correct" style for Korean names, but the fact is that he'd lived in the U.S. for the majority of his life and presenting his name that way just serves to fuel perceptions of him as "different" or "foreign."
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This Is Your Brain on Pregnancy
[Read the article: I don't want more kids but my wonderful husband does]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A poster who had been through this experience made the point at the end of her letter: try to make the decision you would have made before you got pregnant.
Pregnancy is overrated. People act like you should be happy and glow. Instead I felt overwhelmingly exhausted (especially first trimester) and had hormonal mood swings the likes of which I'd never felt. These days you can find some material on ante-natal depression, but it is still a pretty unexplored area.
I wanted my second baby, and I still spent the vast majority of my pregnancy thinking "what have I done?" and "this was all a huge mistake."
So, again, whatever you decide, as much as you can try to make it the decision you would have made before you got pregnant. The things your brain is saying now are hormone-driven.
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Have you considered that he could just have really bad social skills?
[Read the article: My girlfriend's stepfather is a real a-hole ... and a dying man]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have people in my family on the autistic spectrum, and people with social anxiety. When they meet new people they ignore them, or don't make eye contact, or barely speak, or ignore conversational overtures. They don't do it because they are "assholes," they do it because they are paralyzed with anxiety at this new situation. If they are ill or otherwise off their game, it is just worse.
It is a truism, but you can't control how someone acts, just how you react. You don't know why he's ignoring you, unless he actually said to someone that he dislikes you. All you can do is be polite and calm, and move on. And try to use your imagination and think of other explanations for his behavior that have nothing to do with you. Oh, and try to laugh about it ... all of it ... even getting verbally flogged on a high-traffic website. Laughing can get you through a lot of things. Good luck!
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I was a giggler
[Read the article: My new assistant laughs at everything I say]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I used to laugh involuntarily, and I think I did it a lot. I know I did because I got a lot of snide comments from co-workers, and after I'd stopped I got references from my VP to others "laughing the way you used to."
For me it was primarily either nervousness or enthusiasm, depending on the situation. The comments I got about it didn't help; they just made me feel sad and depressed because I had no idea how to stop it. I was helped by time, age, and a class in mindfulness.
I also used to manage people. If it were me, I would not talk abou this lone item with a person, because she may be aware of it and may not know how to address it. I would, however, mention it in the context of a larger performance review. If there is no process in place, I'd suggest the LW sit her assistant down after about a month in the job and have a general discussion of her performance "after the first month." Make it formal: schedule a time and a place in advance. Ask her how she feels things are going and listen to her feedback. Tell her things that are going well, and things that are not. Mention this in the "not." You could say it as "you may be used to being in a louder environment; we're a quieter environment and you may want to reduce your volume." You may not even need to specify the laughter. If necessary, you might also consider offering her training or corporate resources on dealing with nervousness.
Ultimately I think she is aware of it and it may be something she doesn't like in herself, so tread gently.
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It Didn't Start With Colin Firth
[Read the article: I dream of Darcy]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]For me, Mr. Darcy is David Rintoul, star of the 1980 adaptation of Pride and Prejudice. I was 14, and I loved the idea of a man choosing a woman based on wit and "fine eyes." I found the Colin Firth version excessively modernized, but I was (and am) older than the intended audience.
A quick check of the IMDB shows that Pride and Prejudice films are made every 10-18 years. There's a British TV series in 1938, a film in 1940, 1958, 1967, my favorite in 1980, Colin Firth in 1995, and the more recent films mentioned in the article.
Every generation a new group "discovers" Jane Austen, a new round of films is made, and a new group of 14-year-old girls reads the books. I don't mind the marketing around it, that's just how everything is marketed in our culture today. I don't try to overanalyze why we all like the books so much; they just have some universal truths. I hope that young girls who discover them through this latest round enjoy them as much as I do.
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Most companies have succession plans
[Read the article: My friend suddenly died -- and I think I want his job!]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]It is quite possible that your friend's employer already has a candidate in mind for his job. If the job had some degree of responsibility there probably has been an internal discussion of "who would be a suitable candidate if the current occupant of the job leaves/quits/disappears for any reason." The key, in a big company, is whether or not the job gets listed/posted/advertised externally. If it only is listed for internal candidates, they already have a candidate in mind. If it is listed for external candidates, then throw your hat in the ring. I would suggest contacting H.R. rather than the hiring boss just to find out if the job is even open to external candidates. Once you find out if it is you can suggest your name to the person making the hiring decision.