Letters to the Editor
DurianJoe
Published Letters: 1318 Editor's Choice: 69
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This thread has taken a curious turn. (corrected)
[Read the article: Fearful fathers]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Allie, given that the subject of the article is "Fearful Fathers," with the header expanding "fathers" to "men," it was appropriate for us men to respond to the fear we may feel, sometimes, of being made vulnerable to the accusation of child molestation.
What makes that fear so noteworthy is its irrationality. Personally, I have no fear that I will molest a child; that's what made it so strange for me when, just a few weeks ago, for the first time ever I actually felt that concern (of being falsely accused) when I agreed to my neighbor's kids requests to come inside my house to visit my cats. Those visits usually last 5-10 minutes, and we (my wife and I) always let my neighbors or their nanny know where the kids are, but this was the first time that my wife was away during their visit, and much to my surprise, I felt worried about what my neighbors might think, or what the kids might say, so I went through an unusually formal process (for us and our neighbors, that is) before letting the kids in.
What's striking is that we live in a society where men like myself actually have that concern. It's akin to suddenly worrying that maybe the CIA or FBI really is tracking you down based on your anti-Bush emails. The concern, or paranoia if you prefer, is based on the FISA court/unwarranted wiretapping scandal of last year. I.e., a paranoia based on a sad but true foundation.
I will note that the healthy fear and concern of sexual exploitation of children reached a hysteria in the latter years of the Reagan Presidency. As far as I'm concerned, that's what an extremist right wing government will do to a nation, among other ills.
To address your question about protecting children too, which to my mind came out of left field but is legitimate, first let me say that it's a big question with complex answers. On an individual level, I think that if I tell a parent that his or her child is going to be in my house for a few minutes, and ask if that's okay, I've done my duty to protect both that child and myself. If I see a strange child in the street and want to say something to the kid or do something for the kid (hypothetically, but I can't think of anything now), I would go through the parent first. It's akin to seeing someone with a cute dog. You don't just pet the dog -- you say hi to the person, tell them you like dogs, and ask permission to pet their dog.
Ultimately it comes down to respect for other people, both adults and children. Never presume, never use force (physical or verbal), stay polite, comply with their wishes. If you do that, things should be fine.
As to how to protect children from sexual predators, that's a big question. We need much better access to mental health care in this country, and much greater awareness of mental illness. I would also like to see businesses stop sexualizing teens and children. What was Britney Spears at first but a slutty fantasy for older men? Why does American Apparel use photographs of young-looking teens that come close to kiddie porn? Why did my 13 year-old niece ask us to buy her revealing clothes at Wet Seal? These things indicate something very sick with our society, on top of all the other indicators out there. Food for thought, no?
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I see now: the Sophia's grace letter.
[Read the article: Fearful fathers]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I just read it. That explains a lot about recent messages here.
Sophia's grace, if you get a chance to read this: you need to understand that some people are extremely dangerous. They molest children because that is what they are compelled to do. They torture animals because they enjoy it and see nothing wrong with it. They kill for thrills because that is what they are in their souls. Call them sociopaths or predators, consider them mentally ill or evil, it doesn't matter. By nature or nurture or a combination thereof, they are monsters in our midst.
I agree with you that our society is far too eager to punish. We pass draconian sentencing laws and send people to rot behind bars for the smallest of crimes or errors of judgement. That must change.
However, it is one thing to reinstill compassion and reason into our justice system, and another to overlook the fact that there are monsters among us, and that these people will not change what they are. That's not pop psychology, that's a fact. If you read about child molesters and sadists, you will know that they will not change, that they will always do what they do, and thus, we must put them in places where they cannot harm others, ever.
Don't be the frog who gives the scorpion a lift across the stream.
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Frozen Tiramisu?
[Read the article: Fearful fathers]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]AKA, as a man for whom food comes second only to good scotch, which comes second only to sex, which comes second only to a good George Romero movie, I must say that I am appalled, nay, mortified, at the thought of frozen tiramisu. Was no fresh mango available for your gustatory delight?
That said, you are of course correct about rationalizations. I believe it was George Bernard Shaw who said that tradition will reconcile people to any atrocity (of was it Wilde?). And then there was Jeff Goldblum in The Big Chill who asked how anyone could get through a day without a good rationalization.
The bottom line is that it takes a fully developed conscience to stop oneself from seeking gratification at any cost. Pedophiles are, by this (my) definition, less than fully human.