I'm sorry, but your letter saddens me, because it shows that you and your guy have huge areas where you simply aren't communicating and there isn't trust. If you really are getting "a different reason every time" then obviously you don't know the real reason and he isn't able/willing to tell you.

You don't really know WHY he is shielding his daughters from you, or perhaps shielding you from his daughters? You (and it seems all the rest of the letter writers) leap to one assumption about that, but it's hardly the only possible reason.

What if his daughters are angry with him? What if they are angry with you as "that other woman?" Perhaps the daughters are wacky/nasty?

And then of course there's money -- is he worth money? Do the daughters expect to inherit? You do understand that you potentially are a threat to them in a variety of ways?

Hate to say it, but you are acting like Shrub getting into Iraq -- you are starting a war you probably shouldn't fight, based on "intelligence" you are intentionally distorting for your own emotional purposes. Frustration is not an excuse for stupidity. Instead of issuing ultimatums about meeting them, you ought to be issuing ultimatums about really understanding what his problem with you meeting them is. There just might be a good reason you don't want to meet them.

Of course the press is far too nice to Apple, the only interesting question is WHY? More generally why does the press act as a "free" advertizing/hype machine for every new consumption toy which some vendor brings forward? The obvious reason is that advertizing pays the bills, and not only does the press not want to bite the hand that feeds, it's willing to turn a few tricks for free.

But the general ambiance doesn't explain why Apple gets such extraordinary or illogical preference, and why the the press tends to be far less critical of Steve Job's pitchmanship and RDF (reality distortion field) than other vendors.

Look, the iPhone is a really expensive consumption toy. Any damn phone will serve as A PHONE. After that, what an iPhone does is let you spend money to buy entertainment and also show off that you have the money to buy toy like this, and that spending your money on a toy like this is where your values and your tastes lie.

The notion that this constitutes some great technical feat or will actually improve lives or productivity is nonsense. It's just another upscale manager toy

Look, you are asking for advice from people who "haven't been there." Your problem is an extraordinarily common one in the sciences and academia ... and you will be a lot better off listening to your peers than the general public ... because the general public just doesn't see a bunch of the realities here. And these realities depend on many factors you don't express.

That being said, there is one really basic thing almost every respondent has noted -- it's the "is this really a relationship" question? You need to answer that. If it isn't, then there's no problem/issue .. is there? And this question is for the both ouf you. "Going to Berkeley" might == "goodbye." On the otherhand "going to Toronto" might == "if you love me you'll make this sacrifice." Better to get the emotional factors out in the open, and separate from the practical ones, and avoid games.

If you two really want to make the relationship go, then compromises will be necessary. That's always true. The really serious questions aren't ones you ask the public, they are questions YOU ASK EACH OTHER, and you get on with it.

Be thankful that you aren't trying to get an academic apppointment at a university ... in say Anthropology, and the woman in your life has an academic appointment in Poetry. Good luck in that case trying to find some place where both of you can avoid major sacrifice!

You also need to come down off the fantasy of "dream job." Damn few are.

Most lives and most relationships involve willingness to accept change, and the inevitable balancing act that deals with a lot of things. If you think you have "hard choices" now... wait till you are middle aged and have kids.

You and she should sit down and really talk. If you are so committed to this "dream job" that you can't see beyond it -- take it, ditch her. You both will be much better off for that.

If you and she can really sit down and talk it through, then make whatever decisions come from that. Asking the public is a waste of time.

And the only thing I'd tell you, from the vantage point of being nearly 60 and having seen my life as a scientist, and seeing the lives of many others male and female ... is that jobs are never as permanent or decisive as you think they are. Far too many times people think that there's this one "brass ring" and if they pass it up, opportunity will never knock again.

That's mostly nuts. The job almost certainly has drawbacks/problems you don't see, and unless you are worthless/incompetent there are other opportunities you don't see at present either. Don't turn this into some sort of "do or die" proposition, because it isn't.