Yay you! I loved this article. In cars, we are disconnected from Nature and from each other. In cars, we dehumanize everyone (because, of course, people look like machines and we strip them from their humanity). Air conditioning has had much the same effect (and I live in one of the hottest placed in the country). To wit: few people who have porches actually hang out on them. Again, the disconnect. Modern conveniences, while wonderful in many respects, have created more isolation--from ourselves, each other, and Nature.

So, Bill. I'm lacing my shoes up. I'm heading out the door.

So long as we seek to fix or validate something about ourselves by connecting romantically with another human being, we are doomed to failure. In this respect, we don't love because we find someone lovable; we "love" in order to feel better about ourselves. Romantic love then becomes the ultimate in wounded narcissism. To wit: if daddy didn't love us, but we can get this selfish, brooding, navel-gazing asshole to love us, we have healed ourselves and healed the past.

NOT.

This is why relationships have such a relatively short shelf life. We don't love others. We want others to love us so we can be "healed."

Of course, the flip side to that (loving someone who is kind and unfucked-up and worthy) is equally daunting. Why, you ask? Because 95% of men and women are egoic and incapable of real love. 95% of men and women are still looking "out there" for their happiness. Pleasures are external, but happiness never is.

So LW, my advice to you is this: don't mistake getting your needs met through someone else for true and actual love. If you truly loved yourself, you wouldn't settle for these Heathcliffian types. And you can only love yourself by knowing yourself. By seeing and accepting every part of you, no matter how blemished.

We are none of us perfect. We are all human. With compassion, humor, and loving kindness, we go forth into an insane world.

than you are telling us.

I suspect (and I'm quite willing to be wrong) that the ultimatum was your wife's. And that she set a deadline because you've been: 1) waffling for a long time and driving her to madness; 2) there's another woman, or women, or the siren call of new pussy that keeps you from making a firm commitment to your marriage.

I, too, left a marriage that was wholly unsatisfying. But I had good reason: he was a sex addict, a drug addict, controlling, belittling, and an all-around prick. By your own admission, your wife is a good sort. With two kids and grim financial prospects, I left my marriage because it was the right thing to do by me AND my kids. And that is my question to you:

Is leaving your marriage the right thing to do?

The right thing by yourself, perhaps. But you have more than yourself to think about now, don't you? You have two kids. And you are deluding yourself if you think you're going to "stay involved" in their lives. That rarely happens. You hook up with the next future disappointment, and the next, going on vacations, building sand castles together, and by the time those sand castles collapse (and they do--especially when you're looking for other people to "inspire you" with passion rather than creating it yourself), your kids are eighteen and don't want anything to do with you.

Here's your Litmus test. If you are willing to fight for custody of your children, you truly are done with your marriage and are moving on for the right reasons. If you are NOT willing to fight for custody of your children, you are chasing a dream that will never fully materialize: you, single, without responsibilities, neck-high in poontang.

Those days are done for you, my friend. Sorry to sound grim, but that's called growing up. So be an adult with a capital A. Do the next right thing.

Being a responsible adult really does have its own rewards.

News of Dr. Tiller's death sickened me. Here is this man who is willing to do the hard work, the work that doesn't get you invited to the White House. And some redneck asshole shoots him.

Tiller was right, of course: this whole RTL movement is about subjugating women and making them, once again, the slaves of their own biology. I don't see too many RTL yahoos focusing their considerable energies on helping orphaned kids or single mothers. For people who like to say they champion the divinity of life, they sure are quick to pull out their firearms or fry some poor bastard in an electric chair. Here in Texas, we don't even care if an inmate is retarded. We'll fry him anyway.

I'm serious. Look it up.

My hope lies in the millennials. They are color blind and, while not without their own issues, wouldn't dream of letting government interfere with a woman's right to choose. The purpose of government is for oversight (Wall Street ** coughcough** the SEC **coughcough*), NOT when or if a woman can have an abortion.

Thank you for the informative article, Kate. I knew Tiller was an unsung hero, but you really brought that point home.

I've read everything he's ever published and I can't get enough of his amazingly thorough handling of the human psyche.

You owe it to yourselves to get this book. I devour his words in one quick read, and then I go back again and digest them at leisure.

RICHLY satisfying.