I will probably read Brown's book. Hell, I even read the butler's book at one winter low point. (He was a little in love with Diana. I could tell.)

I confess, moreover, to being a subscriber to "Vanity Fair." Tina Brown did much to reshape the magazine to what it is today -- for better or worse.

Now, after the Paris assault of the weekend, and seeing this interview, I begin to get a sneaking suspicion. Joan Walsh does not want to be Paris Hilton. She does not want to be Diana. She wants to be Tina Brown.

In my opinion, Tina Brown did some interesting innovative stuff with "Vanity Fair" and she can write.

I have not yet subscribed to Salon.

You seem to be saying that they are born that way.

1. Either they are born that way, or

2. They acquire that behavior, or

3. They have that tendency (the gun), and the evironment loads the chamber (parenting or lack thereof), and events pull the trigger.

I favor number 3. I have a bit of a problem with the bad seed idea.

So?

People with drinking problems do it again and again. When I was a child, I bit my nails again and again. Habitual behavior is about not having control. It is not about lacking remorse.

Also, people are complex. My ex was surely APD/NPD -- with a little Aspergers add in for extra lack of emotion and neglect. He also had his kind moments. That his kind moments were more motivated by appearances than genuine feeling was beside the point. He fooled me!

My father battered me far more often than my mother, but it is she that is more dangerous. She has a half-assed diagnosis of BPD -- but there is lots of APD behavior in her because she is so deliberate in her cruelties.

My father had a conscience that worked overtime. He would go back to the store to take change back if he got a nickel too much. He was respected by all his coworkers. However, he thought it was okay to beat up on his kids. If we could have hit back, he wouldn't have been hitting us.

When men think it is okay to beat up on women or vice versa, they do it. Do they feel sorry when they overdo it? Sure. But they will do it again. This does not mean they are all APD. Go back and read early in this thread about the guy who stuck a knife in his wife in front of her friends. Now that's a psychopath!

There are many signs of potential abusers and almost all of them are attractive elements in our romantically ill culture.

I invite you to do a bit of research online and you will not find a scarcity of information. Usually, the guy comes on strong, seals the deal early, ties the gal up (not literally) and sometimes even brings flowers.

However, certain aspects of these red flags can assume stereotypical proportions. It is not like they have a tattoo on their heads. Really charming narcissists (and some sociopaths) can hide their true characters wonderfully.

Geez, I know of a woman who dated a guy for five years, so afraid was she that he might turn out to be like the previous batterer she married. She even went through extensive therapy. Well, dear reader, she married him. At first, everything was lovely. Dream come true. The sex, which was never very frequent, began to taper to nothing.

She had two daughters. Guess who he was abusing?

Let us just be frank. There are more male batters than female. There are more male sociopaths than female. There are more male pedophiles than female. There are more male (still) alcoholics than female.

There are more women than men. Most of the women want to get married and have children. You do the math.

Spankerton, you have hit on the real hidden ugly.

However, women and men who can tell these stories generally disappear from public consciousness.

They disappear back into the marriage because they haven't the resources to take the children and cannot bear to leave the children.

They disappear from our divorce courts into a pigeonhole that assumes false accusations arising from the divorce.

Or sometimes, they just disappear.

My advice would be, sometimes, just to forget the divorce and get the children and get the hell out of Dodge. True, staying married is a risk if they are caught. The authorities may send the children to Daddy. However, most times Daddy will not go for long without a punching bag. He will find someone else. He may be glad just to not have to pay child support. It sort of depends upon the abuser's financial resources and attention span.

Various situations call for various strategies.

Of course, the system would never tolerate that sort of solution. If every person married to an abuser took the children and went underground and then needed the help of the government -- welfare, medical care for the children, supplemental food programs . . .

Ditto, putting all abusers in prison (A solution I favor for serious repeat serial abusers) would also bankrupt the treasury.

America has a big dysfunctional family. To solve this problem, we have to throw real money at it.