Letters to the Editor
AKA Smith
Published Letters: 4698 Editor's Choice: 83
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I just noticed the oddest thing.
[Read the article: I don't want more kids but my wonderful husband does]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]All the letters in this thread, many of them excellent ones on both sides of the issue, raised new questions in my mind, so to confirm an uneasy feeling, I went back and reread the LW's letter.
These words jumped out at me: "Even my husband has remarked on my ambivalence to parenthood."
What on earth does she mean by that word EVEN?
I could understand the sentence perfectly well without that word. Wouldn't such a sentence mean that they had discussed this pregnancy matter extensively before and that he had discussed with her her ambivalence. After all, they have been together for eight years (married for two) and surely they have discussed the child/no additional child option more than once. Furthermore, she says that they were discussing it again when she became pregnant. She says they had not yet finished their discussion. If they have been doing all this talking, wouldn't her ambivalence be quite apparent?
Then add in that word EVEN. That word can mean only one of two things:
1) She has not been direct with her husband. She has been evasive. How hard is it to say something along the lines of "I'm ambivalent and until I make up my mind, I will not have a child?" Therefore, I conclude that maybe she was not being direct with him about her feelings. If this was the case, who can blame him for hoping?
2) She considers him utterly clueless. She has been trying to tell him but his receiver was broken. Hello? Hello? Earth to husband? Or was he deliberately not hearing her? How many of you have ever been in a frustrating argument with someone and finally ended it by saying, "Even YOU should understand, you nitwit!"
Maybe things are not so wonderful after all. Just being married to someone wonderful, how nice that would be -- especially if you also loved that someone, especially if the two of you had great communication, especially if you were ever on the same page in the first place.
I just love the letters Cary gets. I even love it when his advice is goofy. I love reading responses by people I agree with and by people with whom I disagree. Each request for advice is a little mystery. Something to try to understand and maybe even solve. But this one . . . I think I may have detected a few red herrings. However, that word EVEN is a bonafide clue!
Forgive folks. I have two degrees in English and am a mystery buff. I may EVEN be a little obsessed with close reading . . .
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To anonymous titled "pro-choice?"
[Read the article: I don't want more kids but my wonderful husband does]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]You said: "'I am as pro-choice as a pro-choice person can possibly be...', that is, unless you get pregnant through your own damn fault. Then I'm, uh, no-choice? Pro-life? It's just so confusing. The air up here is making me lightheaded."
To me pro-choice means you support a woman's right to choose. It does not necessarily mean you agree with another woman's choice in every instance. Pro-choice does not mean you rubber stamp their decisions.
Allow me to elaborate. I am for the legalization of marijuana use for adults. If marijuana use were legal for adults, I would never interfere with adults who made the choice to use it. Under some circumstances -- use to prevent nausea after chemo -- I would say that that person is looking after his or her health. Under other circumstances -- using until one cannot function at work -- I would say that that person is an utter fool.
I can still support a woman's right to choose and still make a personal judgment that a woman who was completely careless about birth control does not deserve my respect. I can still think that she should have cared enough about the CONCEPT of life to try diligently not to get pregnant in the first place.
I am of the strong opinion that women should not use abortion as a backup birth control method, although I do understand perfectly that accidents happen. I still support the right of completely careless women to get abortions because I really don't think they would make good mothers in the first place and, who knows, maybe there is actually a careless gene we don't want to see continued. I recognize that the consistent use of birth control can be sort of leaning curve and I really don't expect much in the way of consistent use from teenagers and the mentally retarded. Is it too much to ask mature women to use their brains?
You may be one of those people who believe we should never make judgments. I disagree. By judgments, we get through school, stay out of jail, avoid heroin, and keep our driver's licenses. By judgments, we can also sometimes avoid unwanted pregnancy.
To paraphrase Decartes: I think. Therefore, I judge.
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Hi crossszech,
[Read the article: The new girls club]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I've not been here "since the dawn of history." Could you please describe some of those early battles of the sexes for me?