The LW may well need medication, but I am not sure psychiatry and medication should be her first option. I think one of the big problems we have in the health care establishment in this country is a disconnect between systems that provide for our physical health care and those that provide for our mental health care.

So far Salon readers seem pretty saavy about all the things that the government does to control us or rip us off, but a grab the pills mentality in the advice given to the LW bothers me a bit. Please recall that SSRIs (Paxil is one) have been implicated in causing suicidal ideation in children to the extent that there is now a warning label. If you have been following this story, first you will notice that the problem was with young children and then with teens. I have known adults who have had severe suicidal ideation on some of the various SSRIs. The pharmaceutical industry is big business in the U.S. and especially medications for mental health problems.

I would prefer the LW try an incremental approach. First, a thorough checkup by a doctor who practices internal medication (But do not take a psych prescription prescribed by one!), then a visit to a psychologist to talk about the anxieties, and then a visit to someone who can prescribe if needed. She should do some research to make sure she gets someone she can trust and who will also listen to her carefully and not just reach for a prescription pad. Preferably all these people should communicate with each other, as a treatment team should.

Those who might scoff at my caution should do a search on Zyprexa and Paxil and side effects, just to name two.

In my first response I asked if she had recently stopped taking an SSRI. This is because some of the agitated anxiety she described can be a symptom of going abruptly off such medication. When SSRIs were first advertised, they were touted as nonaddictive. This is true in a way, but that does not mean people taking them cannot suffer serious problems if they just stop. You have to taper off them slowly and when you start them you have to be aware that they take awhile to have a beneficial effect.

Even if the LW needs medication (in the opinion of a competent medical professional) we have no way of being sure what medication might be useful. She might benefit more from lithium or Elavil or one of those medications designed specifically anxiety. She might even need to be treated for OCD.

I am not a doctor. I have just had the occasion to do a bit of research on these things and prefer not to assume to much.

In these days of Herpes, HPV, and HIV, we have a responsibility to ourselves, that if we have probable cause to believe our partner is cheating, we should find out for sure.

Please don't say "Just ask." Those who cheat think nothing about lying. Therefore snooping is not always wrong, but rather the first line of defense for partners who seriously believe that they have been wronged by unfaithfulness. If the snooper finds more cause to believe he/she is being cheated on, then there follows other possibilities such as confrontation or private detectives, forgiveness or a thorough determination of financial assets.

Sure people shouldn't snoop but they shouldn't be saps either. Sometimes you have to choose the evil that doesn't leave you diseased, impoverished, and without custody of the children.