How judgemental some people can be.

As if you've never done anything stupid in college, and didn't touch a drop of alcohol. Such people are few and far between.

I personally thought Erin Sullivan's article was well-written and raised interesting questions. Of course she should raise her children to respect women (well, people in general), and not to follow the pack if they are doing something wrong. It would have been useful to her to mention that.

On the other hand, I read this article not so much as a parental guide as a mourning of a loss of innocence - from the time these boys play on jungle gyms until they are in college, a short decade or so later. Just as the abusers and rapists and drunken frat boys Sullivan describes, also played when they were young.

And another loss of innocence - that when terrible crimes like gang rapes occur, those in the college crowd have become so desensitized that they often are not even surprised.

It would be nice to return to a day where drunken indiscretions are few and far between, and when it truly *is* surprising that men would gang-rape anybody...

In the college context, a lot of that depends on the atmosphere on campus, the upbringing that parents have giving the students -- and first and foremost, the individual attitudes of the students themselves. The ability to think clearly, to distinguish themselves from the mob, to learn from past mistakes and stop participating when something is clearly wrong.

As committed as a parent may be, there is no guarantee that their child will grow up with these skills. That fear is what Sullivan addresses. I'm glad she did.

Letter-writers criticized her for "nazel-gazing" on the issue of assaults on campus. I think it's good that she's thinking about it, and brought it to our attention. I think it's a positive step that she got the ball rolling on discussion about this issue. Why attack her for that? When did airing one's thoughts become an offense?

That is all.

My bf and I hardly ever fight, (I think I've raised my voice to him 3 times in the year and a half we've been together), and it's not because we don't have serious issues to discuss. It's because we both hate shouting matches and would rather communicate and get our thoughts out in the open, without a fight. OTOH, some people here wrote they fight regularly and it works in their relationship... that's fine too. Not everyone is wired the same. It's all about what works with you and the person you're with.

That being said, I didn't read this letter as 'bragging' at all. Since the LW and her husband both had problem marriages before this one, it's perfectly normal for her to wonder if things are going TOO well and when will the other shoe drop? Cary's response was pretty accurate - you can bring it up if you want to, but why fix what ain't broke? Just enjoy what you have and make sure you both are prepared for any serious troubles that come your way.

And as for all the vitriol spewed at the LW - wtf? Jealous much? Who here hasn't worried at one point or another that they might lose the happiness that took so long to gain? What the LW deserves is applause for having a happy, healthy relationship finally, it sounds like she and her husband deserve it.

I have trouble believing that someone old enough to be in grad school is unable to pick her nose in private. Who cares if you dig in there, but for god's sake be discreet. If you can hold in your pee long enough to find a washroom, you can refrain from picking your nose for equally as long, methinks. Otherwise, there really must be a psychological problem.

And her boyfriend must be a very patient man. Anyone remember that Seinfeld episode where Jerry's girlfriend dumped him because she thought he was picking his nose in the car...? That's what this letter makes me think of, a Seinfeld episode. A lot of talk, but really, nothing substantial.

LW, your letter made me smile, because it reassures me that true love can be found earlyish in life, and that it doesn't have to follow anyone's agenda.

Speaking as someone who just graduated from a lefty university from a similarly lefty city in Canada, I know how common it is for self-described feminist activists to be as narrow-minded as the right-wing traditionalists they oppose. It's too bad really, because the true point of being liberal is to be understanding of all life choices, even if they don't always fit into your own world view. It sounds like your friends have a lot more growing up to do.

That being said, I wonder why you want to get married so soon. Right now I'm 22, been with my 28-year old bf for over a year, and we're very happy together, but I'm in absolutely no rush to get engaged or married - in spite of him & his family's gentle nudging. If we're going to be together for the rest of our lives, why go to the altar right away? And if we're not meant to get married, then why make a mistake, when a few more years together would reveal the truth? As an earlier commenter wrote, people change A LOT between 20 and 30, I can feel it in my own experience already and those of my friends. Better to grow at our own pace.

So even though I applaud your happy relationship and wish you and your fiance all the best, I do hope you slow things down just a tad. Not because society demands it of you, or because your friends and family are giving you funny looks, but just because -- why rush a good thing?