Thanks for your response, AKA.

"Actually, I wonder why there isn't more of a line? I wonder why black people have begun to call themselves nigger."

Pain. Irony. Those are the two words that leap to mind as a preliminary answer to this question, about which I'm sure volumes and volumes have been written.

These two reasons, of course, are the ones that enter my mind as explanation. It's not a word I use, but I use similar ones, such as "negro." I don't know why I do it, but irony and pain (and even nostalgia?) are at play.

"I was brought up to believe it was a bad word and to never say it. I taught my daughter the same. I honestly puzzles me that black people use it."

Ok. This is my point. The word obviously has a different meaning in the context you were brought up in. Why did your parents teach you not to use it? That's a good question to ask yourself. What were the stories they told you as part of the instruction?

"I really don't see what it could mean rather than a lack of self-regard."

Well, maybe there is some lack of self-regard there, but it's not for you to worry about whether it is or not. No one but the parties involved can answer that question for themselves. It would be like trying to determine whether someone is in a happy marriage from the outside. It's just the height of presumption, no?

"Maybe it was always a word in private use and I just never heard it because I wasn't privy to the private conversations of black people. I first became aware of its use when rap music became popular and people began to use it publicly."

Rap music. Yeah, that's quite an introduction. A completely different context from the one I first heard it in, which I can't remember, because it's just always kind of been there.

"You must understand, that before I returned to Texas, I spent 20 years in two areas of the Southwestern United States where the black population was miniscule. I also, don't watch television. I have had television so rarely in my life that you could probably call me culturally retarded."

Bravo! :)

See, the point is, our frames of reference are just so wildly different that it's folly to think we could have preset rules about what to say and what not to say. Of course, we can have guidelines, but ultimately, the only thing that will really help you is sensitivity to context.

You have to think something like an anthropologist or someone learning a foreign language.

Now I'm totally confused. I don't even know who Carole Lloyd is, so I'm not referring to that case.

Sorry for the confusion.

"I'm guessing from watching this occur that this must be the feminist role model context, where having a mental illness or an addiction problem makes you a BAD ROLE MODEL and then it's gloves off, no holds barred.

Am I right?

That to me sounds kind of like objectification. Like the BAD ROLE MODEL can be treated like an object, like she has no feelings or sensitivities or humanity at all."

I think maybe you're confusing me with someone else, but from what I can gather you're asking me, no, not at all.

I do not believe "having a mental illness or an addiction problem makes you a BAD ROLE MODEL."

Not at all. I have nothing against sufferers of mental illness or addiction per se.

No, it's not a good film. I recall being quite disturbed by it, actually, but it is Spike and yes, it's a good start.

Also, AKA, while we're talking racism 101 :) you might also check out Spike's film School Daze.

An excellent point.

I think the implicit invocation of violence is an extremely important factor to consider because it's what gives words like "nigger" the potential to be truly terror-inducing.

But women have also traditionally been subjected to violence too, both privately and domestically, so I'd factor that in as well.

The word "bitch," for instance, could well be a word used by abusive husbands before fists begin to fly.

But I (thankfully) don't have any first-hand knowledge of abuse, nor have I studied it, so I'm not the person to ask.

Perhaps someone else can contribute, because I think you raise a productive point.

"I don't have the answer, but maybe we could come up with a way to discuss the complex realities of our world in a way that isn't constantly forming new In/Out Groups."

Hear, hear.

Thank you, AKA, for posting this and for your work.

I just wanted to commend you for answering Fester in such an earnest and heartfelt way.

Isn't dialogue rewarding?

Seriously, it's really edifying to watch productive dialogue unfold. Thanks to both you and Fester for stepping up.

"I am going to bring up another thing: Even though some attacks are racist and sexist, I don't always think the attacker is a racist or a sexist. Sometimes the attacker is just trying to find the words that he/she thinks will hurt the most. No, that does not make it defensible."

I think these words bear repeating.

This is how we should be talking about racism, sexism, etc.

Not as a facile binary (racist/not racist), but as a complex and infinitely graded phenomenon.

If we can internalize this level of analysis, we'll be heading in the right direction.