Transcript of Osama bin-Forgotten's post-9/11 meeting with Saddam Hussein, late Sept. 2001. Location: Saddam's palace inside what would later become The Green Zone.

Osama: "Our ongoing operational relationship has succeeded in smashing the infidels!"

Saddam: "Yes, comrade! Whoever said your fanatical Islamist fundamentalism and my secular Baathist fascism could not mutually cooperate to destroy the Western powers?"

Osama: "Our second wave of attacks must strike further fear and terror in their hearts!"

Saddam: "Our intelligence sources tell us that according to America's most popular radio propagandist the two most powerful infidel leaders are named "Daschle" and "Leahy".

Osama: "Good work, Saddam. But let us also strike at their liberal media, which will then sap the infidels' will to fight back. And while we're at it, let's hit the publisher of those Britney Spears photos that torment me so. The [expletive deleted] National Enquirer."

Saddam: "[expletive deleted] right! You will please issue the order to proceed to one of your many sleeper cells in middle Anerica. Because we are two wild and crazy guys!"

Too many U.S. celebrity news stars are intellectual lightweights who got where they are because they have nice hair, nice legs, the right parents and the right connections, etc.

It didn't take any expertise in the science of WMD or the history of the Arabs to see that Colin Powell's presentation at the U.N. was based entirely on half-truths, exaggerations, and lies. Any professional journalist who really listened that day should have come away not proclaiming "Case closed; next stop Baghdad!" but instead asking two questions:

1. Is that it? (meaning: Is that all the evidence they've got?); and

2. If a guy who once met bin-Laden did in fact recieve medical treatment in Baghdad and is now operating an al-Qaeda terrorist training camp "in a part of Iraq not under Saddam's control", why aren't you guys, like, attacking said camp, instead of holding up photos of it at the U.N., thus allowing "the terrorists" to escape? (Aren't we at war with al-Qaeda?)

My source for the National Enquirer was also Wikipedia:

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/2001_anthrax_attack (see the box on right side of the page)

I Googled (anthrax 2001) because I remembered only Daschle, CBS, and some tabloid in Florida. Which tabloid doesn't matter much to me; either way, I think it underscores the ridiculousness of claiming (as ABC News did) that Arabic-speaking Middle Eastern Islamic terrorists unfamiliar with U.S. culture could possibly have selected such "liberal" targets.

I believe it was the late Shelby Foote who spoke the famous line concerning the death of states' rights in Ken Burns's 'Civil War' series. That before the Civil War people commonly said "the United States are," but after the war said "the United States is." Meaning: the U.S. was originally conceived as a federation of several states, but because of the Civil War is now universally recognized as one nation, indivisible. Thus language follows perception.

I believe the same can now be said of America's mass media. That before its consolidation in the hands of a few corporations, it was not only proper but accurate to say "the media are"; but after the selling of the Iraq Occupation even the fussiest grammarians now say "the media is" in recognition of the fact that the corporate media speaks with one voice. (To wit: the pro-war, pro-Wall Street, pro-GOP voice that led to Bush-Cheney and Iraq.)

DEAR WEIKUBOY: Why do so many Americans still not see the divine glory of George W. Bush's mission here on earth? It's almost as if they don't WANT the Rapture. April; Paris.

DEAR APRIL IN PARIS: As a Democrat Intellectual, I was sad that so many liberals voted against W even after He announced He is born again. He is a merciful but jealous unitary executive; and those whose hearts remain hardened to His Way verily shall be cast out onto the highway just as surely as His Army is smiting the Muslim unbelievers in Iraq.

DEAR WEIKUBOY: I want to own an Apache attack helicpoter, but the liberal elite in my condo are opposing a rooftop helipad. Don't gun owners have ANY rights? Hunter; NYC

DEAR HUNTER IN NYC: As a Democrat Intellectual, I imagine the Second Amendment as granting to all citizens, not just Sen. McCain, the right to walk the streets secure in the knowledge that the latest in helicopter gunship firepower is only a radio call away. It's too bad so many liberals think that what's good enough for Americans in places like Baghdad that have a long tradition of enjoying gun sports is somehow not right for New York City.

[That was another episode of 'Ask a Democrat Intellectual'. See you all next month!]

Imus means nothing to me; but the whole media circus became a kind of comedy today when I realized it was like Day 5 or 6, and IT'S STILL THE MAJOR STORY for America's worthless corporate media -- which apparently has no celebrity court case or missing white woman to go 24/7 on. Imus MUST be praying for war to break out with Iran, something, anything, that will blast him off the headlines like 9/11 did for Gary Condit; but instead, five or six days gp by and . . . nothing. So every day it just gets worse for him. If a major blonde female celebrity doesn't OD soon, I'm afraid before the week is out I'll turn on my TV and see that Imus has been put to death before a live studio audience.

Yeah, I know; he's a despicable old white male scumbag whom time passed by in 1982; but so are at least half the other "entertainers" on TV. Limbaugh and his local imitators say worse things on radio every day. The real story here is that America's mass media simply sucks, to an extent that is probably unimaginable for Salon's overseas audience.