Letters to the Editor
Torontonian
Published Letters: 42
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The Question
[Read the article: We want a kid but don't think it's right to have one]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Someone said "I think the letter writer is asking questions befitting a sensitive person and prospective parent-to-be."
The reason this question is getting so much derision is that it's a very stupid question. You cannot ask a child if it wants to be born so the question is pointless and thus idiotic if it is being used to arrive at a decision. Woody Allen could not have scripted the letter better.
People have kindly twisted the question to be "what if something awful happens to my future child" but that's not the core question. The core is a major sulk - if I can't ask my child in advance of conceiving it for permission to conceive it then I won't conceive it. It is not deserving of respect. Although it may keep neurotic narcissistic philosophers engaged for years: the same way giving an {insert usual nationality of jokes} person a piece of paper with "turn page over" written on both side would. Others have asked "should I bring a child into this world?" That's a reasonable question, as is "can I be a good enough parent to justify giving birth".
The snap judgements about their fitness about parenthood are probably triggered by the LW and husband's limited critical reasoning, self absorbtion and neuroticism so delicately delineated in a short letter.
BTW lulu1967's dilemma is a genuine and heart wrenching one, but it's a different question. Her post is worthy of respect and I know would get very different and thoughtful responses were it the letter. The SYA readers are great at getting to the underlying approach of a LW; immature, self indulgent, causing the trouble, too kind, in real pain, facing impossible choices, struggling with demons etc. and the tone of the letters overall reflect it back to the LW.
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Re read the letter..
[Read the article: We want a kid but don't think it's right to have one]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Some examples: writerbug "Why shouldn't people think really hard about the question of whether or not they should have children? Most people just assume that they (and others) ought to have kids, without ever thinking about what a big responsibility it is and whether or not they are really up to it. "
That's not what they're asking. Their issue is about NOT CONSULTING THE UNBORN CHILD.
Mr Jones: The question here is, how does one choose an action that is ethically "good".
No, that's not the question the LW poses. The LW asks how they can go ahead and have a child WITHOUT CONSULTING THE UNBORN CHILD.
It's very kind of so many of you to twist the letter into reasonable questions. However the derisive letters, mine included, are the result of reading the actual, pointless, unanswerable issue of consulting the unborn child.
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To lulu1967
[Read the article: We want a kid but don't think it's right to have one]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Your lovely posts, and those of Allie and others in your situation have provided some counterbalancing depth to this thread. You situation is hard, and you seem very clear and brave in thinking about it. Your health care providers may be the best to help you with your decision (40 is not too late - it may even be wise for you to begin later in life when you understand yourself better). I have seen someone in her 40s, with a much milder form of manic depression (not diagnosed as such but battling with some of the characteristics, and a very creative person) become a simply extraordinary mother. Her commitment to her child is absolute and none of her personal issues appear in their interactions. She uses her own intelligence to delve into the underlying philosophy, psychology and themes of parenthood to consciously create a loving, supportive and stimulating environment for her child. Her daughter is in turn confident, continually happy, secure, creative and clever. I figure the real question may be the degree to which you can keep your condition from impacting the child (apart from issue of chance of inheriting it).
Best wishes.
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Huh?
[Read the article: We want a kid but don't think it's right to have one]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Subodim: "I have re-read the original letter several times to make sure I didn't miss anything. Nowhere in the letter did she say that non-existent "people" can be consulted about anything, or feel anything, or do anything at all. What she said was, "Making a life-altering decision without consulting the one most affected seems wrong." What that means is that when you conceive a child, you're doing it without his or her consent. It is impossible to obtain consent from "someone" who doesn't exist--that's the POINT. She thinks that makes it wrong to purposefully conceive a child."
That's weird. You have identified that it's impossible to obtain consent from someone who doesn't exist. However that's exactly, if you follow the logic of the excerpt you quoted, what she is saying. And THEREFORE she doesn't want to conceive. Yet you think she didn't say what you have just identified from her letter, and it's the rest who are muddled thinkers. Hmmm.