LW, a lot of things stuck out in this letter-- your attachment to the kids, the laundry, your resentment of both your husband and his friend.

Who do you see when you look in the mirror? I'm suspecting the answer is 'a mom and a housekeeper.' You're more than that, or should be. So many women in our generation decide, when they have kids, that the kids will be the Grand Project-- indeed the Only Project-- of their lives. Their house must be spotless; their education must be carefully monitored; their recreation must be appropriate. (Are you recognizing yourself?)

You are not doing your children any favors by this. At worst, you are micromanaging their lives, not letting them do stupid things and make bad choices they will learn from, and when they get to college they will be confused and overwhelmed. At best, you are teaching them to have no lives, no hobbies and no identity beyond their future children-- and to have a marriage whether neither Mom nor Dad seem to like each other or enjoy one another's company much at all. Is that really want you want from them?

Women need to nest and they want the nest to be tidy and comfortable.

Um, can you come over to my house for a couple of days? Just to...nest. Yeah, that's it. Hubby and I will even buy your cleaning supplies!

I hate cleaning, and I love going out. For me, it's variety and a change in routine-- like a vacation without the work of a vacation. If that's not your thing, then fine-- but you might want to make that clear before you get married, much less before kid #4 comes along.

And at least judging from the letter, the only satisfaction LW is getting from her 'nesting' is knowing the house isn't dirty. Cary must edit these, and LW edited herself to be sure, but this letter doesn't sound like a woman who's getting a lot of personal satisfaction at home; this sounds like an exhausted, anxious, unhappy woman who's desperately afraid of her life falling into chaos if she neglects it for even a second.

They are her parents. They are also adults, and need to stand up FOR their daughter, not against her. If they can't, it is truly their loss.

Absolutely! It's possible that the word 'lesbian' opened up all sorts of terrible images for them-- having to be ashamed of their daughter, not having grandkids, the rest of the family freaking out (LW, are your grandparents still alive? This might be the real concern) and being hurtful to you-- there's a long list of maybes and possiblys. But I think-- if they are good parents and love you, and you seem to think they are-- that once you are truly happy, they will see this, and be happy for you too.

They may think your activism will open you up to danger, to hate speech, to crosses burning on your lawn. But you know that doesn't have to be the case, and you know that for you it's worth the risk. Go forth and organize! It'll be okay. The only way for your parents to know that, though, is to prove it to them. Don't learn their fear. Be more than that. Keep the lines of communication open, tell them you love them...but in the end, you're an adult, and you need to do what's right for you.

Opal Mined, I had no idea what those things were! I've had them for years when I got too congested.

In a more serious vein, sudden, horrible halitosis probably does indicate a medical or dental problem- it'd be one thing if your mom's breath had smelled her whole life. Get your mom to a checkup, LW.

...the truth is AT ANYTIME ANYONE could be hit by a car , have a stroke or encounter disasterous medical consequences for a minor medical procedure.

Agreed. I think everyone should have a living will and medical power of attorney ready to go. Remember Terri Shiavo?

@ JenniferC-- don't kid yourself, there are plenty of busy types here who will 'worry' about a friend's diet, no matter their size.

LW: You have two areas of concern here: One is your busybody, annoying sister and friend. They need to shut up. I like the thought of getting an ally-- one in the family and one in your circle of friends-- to speak up and say 'cut it out.' I suspect everyone else will be in agreement, and the annoyance of the group will be a big help. Expect "I was just teasing!" to be a defense, and be prepared to point out that you find that teasing hurtful and demeaning. Cite your physician's advice to the group and the fact you have a plan. In private, say, "I'm not going to discuss this with you further."

The second area of concern is that your 'friend' and sister may well be concerned for good reason, and Cary's advice does apply here. If you don't already have a plan make one, make sure it's a good plan, and be ready for anything. One of my good, eightysomething friends recently broke her neck. It's been very difficult, but she's doing all right, and in part it was because she was prepared to deal with it.

Last but not least, LW, I'd be a lot crankier if I were in your shoes. I think you're pretty awesome to be independent, content, and strong enough to deal with these two busybodies.

For me it was "Rosencrantz and Guildenstern are Dead."