They are her parents. They are also adults, and need to stand up FOR their daughter, not against her. If they can't, it is truly their loss.

Absolutely! It's possible that the word 'lesbian' opened up all sorts of terrible images for them-- having to be ashamed of their daughter, not having grandkids, the rest of the family freaking out (LW, are your grandparents still alive? This might be the real concern) and being hurtful to you-- there's a long list of maybes and possiblys. But I think-- if they are good parents and love you, and you seem to think they are-- that once you are truly happy, they will see this, and be happy for you too.

They may think your activism will open you up to danger, to hate speech, to crosses burning on your lawn. But you know that doesn't have to be the case, and you know that for you it's worth the risk. Go forth and organize! It'll be okay. The only way for your parents to know that, though, is to prove it to them. Don't learn their fear. Be more than that. Keep the lines of communication open, tell them you love them...but in the end, you're an adult, and you need to do what's right for you.

Women need to nest and they want the nest to be tidy and comfortable.

Um, can you come over to my house for a couple of days? Just to...nest. Yeah, that's it. Hubby and I will even buy your cleaning supplies!

I hate cleaning, and I love going out. For me, it's variety and a change in routine-- like a vacation without the work of a vacation. If that's not your thing, then fine-- but you might want to make that clear before you get married, much less before kid #4 comes along.

And at least judging from the letter, the only satisfaction LW is getting from her 'nesting' is knowing the house isn't dirty. Cary must edit these, and LW edited herself to be sure, but this letter doesn't sound like a woman who's getting a lot of personal satisfaction at home; this sounds like an exhausted, anxious, unhappy woman who's desperately afraid of her life falling into chaos if she neglects it for even a second.

LW, a lot of things stuck out in this letter-- your attachment to the kids, the laundry, your resentment of both your husband and his friend.

Who do you see when you look in the mirror? I'm suspecting the answer is 'a mom and a housekeeper.' You're more than that, or should be. So many women in our generation decide, when they have kids, that the kids will be the Grand Project-- indeed the Only Project-- of their lives. Their house must be spotless; their education must be carefully monitored; their recreation must be appropriate. (Are you recognizing yourself?)

You are not doing your children any favors by this. At worst, you are micromanaging their lives, not letting them do stupid things and make bad choices they will learn from, and when they get to college they will be confused and overwhelmed. At best, you are teaching them to have no lives, no hobbies and no identity beyond their future children-- and to have a marriage whether neither Mom nor Dad seem to like each other or enjoy one another's company much at all. Is that really want you want from them?

To make an old joke, some of my best friends are on the spectrum, and it's important to note that not only is the stigma placed on autisum counter-productive but that autists have a lot of contributions to make in society-- just like all of us.

Editorlaura has some wonderful things to say, too.

Hearing problems are endemic in little kids and can easily lead to speech problems-- especially in light of the ear infections he's gotten (and the fact his mother probably only took him to the doctor when they got nasty) that's the first thing I'd look at. Say, 'little X is so bright, and I've read that early hearing problems can really put a damper on a kid's future. Why don't you get him checked out?' It has the virtue of being completely true, verifiable by even the hippie-crunchy mothering types, and really might be what's wrong with the kid-- not hearing well can lead to a host of behavioral issues. Most importantly, it steers the conversation away from autism, which clearly terrifies her as a diagnosis. You don't know what's wrong with this kid-- clearly mom doesn't either-- why not steer her toward a less scary theory?

Virtually all world religions prohibit homosexuality, and not as a minor transgression or "no-no" but as a truly major sin -- an abomination.

Hate to be the first to inform you but 'my definion of Christianity and Islam' does not equal 'virtually all world religions.' (Numerically, Judaism isn't a 'big' religion.) Islam and Christianity have had a bug up their ass about homosexuality for some years, but that hardly constitutes a consensus.

Good luck with the new schedule, and so glad you're not going away. Give your little coin-flippers a hug for me.