Lazy journalism....but Badkhen's headline grabbed me in nonetheless, hoping for a tidbit of truth, because my son, a Sgt. in the army - is on his third deployment to Iraq in 5 years. The first 2 were a little over a year each. This one is going on 15 months now. Unlike the 1st deployment where I obsessively spent every spare moment glued to CNN and (gulp) FOX in hope or fear I might glimpse my son in the clips, I almost try to avoid any coverage these days. It frustrates me, saddens me, scares me. The cities and towns there are in a constant state of flux, as are it's inhabitant's hospitality or hostility.

His first deployment found him in the rooftop seat of a HumVee w/ a 50. caliber rifle. One day they all 'earned' their Purple Hearts...thankfully no one died. They also did a lot of house to house raids.

His second deployment sounded safer but wasn't. His job? Running escort convoys alongside oil tankers...from Iraqi oil fields over to Turkey's border.(????) Naturally they were frequent targets. During this time my son went to many memorial services. (But hey, this wasn't about oil, right???)

During this 3rd deployment he and his boy's duties will vary. "Mostly kickin' in doors, kickin' in doors" he says with...is it boredom? The only time, until recently, that I detected any concern whatsoever in his voice or on the page was when he described this trip's most unsettling event so far - the Iraqi army had paid no heed whatsoever to their repeated attempts to alert them by radio to a pre-assigned night meeting at the Iraqi post...something they did nightly. This time, the Iraqi's open fired on them unexpectedly and relentlessly. Oops. Seems they'd all fallen asleep and somehow couldn't make out that these were U.S. troops.

Other than the above, my son is usually pretty mum about what is happenning. (After a weekend trip to his stateside base for a visit last summer, and being privvy to more stories from 'overheard' troop-chatter than I cared to hear, I now understand why so much is kept from us at home. They seem...Stepford-like when they are together and laughingly recount old stories, seemingly devoid of any emotion attached to their accounts.)

Around his family and Mom, my son will more often than not keep what's currently going on pretty low-key and quiet. I'm careful not to overreact (well, not 'over-react'...let's say 'react w/ any emotional response') when I DO hear something, as I don't want my 'source' to dry-up.

I got a brief and rare email from him yesterday from Saddhr(sp?)City - after a long time not hearing anything. His atypical response to my letter's questions was simply this: "Heavy shit. Heavy, heavy shit, Mom. I'll write more when I can."

We won't hear it on television though. Afterall, things are quiet and going swimmingly well, right?

Not knowing...it's as bad as knowing.

Forgive my length here.

Destruction or improvements? Hostile, ripped off inhabitants or happier, reservedly better-off inhabitants? Where are you and what day is it? (Pffft...but for how long better?) Are you in the Green Zone or, like most of the population and the G.I.'s, hunkering down in out-lying areas - in understandably hostile areas? She's obviously in a shit-hole area, I get that, and I would bet the farm that what she's seeing is more often the true landscape; and governmental propaganda reigns supreme. I'm furious that our people are over there, period. I feel ambivalent and numb lately, and that produces frustrating guilt. Why it's hard for me to get overly emotional about the progress or lack of progress in the 'Iraqi Public Works' department I cannot say... I don't even know who's to blame for that. The paved streets crumbling...our tanks? Well sure, I get that too, but???? (Electricity? I asked my son about that, a deployment or two ago. He snorted, "Ma...guys no sooner get a neighborhood wired for power and seriously...a morning or two later we find burning piles of the cable-coating where they stripped all the copper from the whole neighborhood in the night to sell. Anything done gets undone.")

Ungrateful animals? I dunno anymore. All's fair - I'd steal it too if my kid were hungry. Who knows...

I'm so disgusted. I'm not comfortable that we disguise our Power and Oil Machine like a benefactor, 'assigned' to bring democracy to the world. I'm despairing that too,too many in this country BUY that line because they need it to BE so-in order not to have to look at what we've become. I'm forever wondering why our government ignores the (elephant in the corner) genocide in Africa (JUST ONE EXAMPLE)and makes no mention of the need for liberators and a 'New Democracy' there. (Would that be because those oil/mineral rich areas have China and Egypt's game-pieces in those Monopoly squares? Oh my, fair's fair! Hands off, then!)

I sign my letters with some poorly adapted Latin version of "shit stirring". Our old instructors said "Write what you KNOW!" and in this, I don't know anything, anymore...or any less, I fear, that anyone else does, in total.

Oh, heavy sigh.

But you know...

Why do we continue to pick-at the better-off/worse-off thread? It's a moot point. If a serial rapist kidnaps a young, abused girl from her cruel and negligent parent, and in a Svengali-like way lavishes her with privledge & luxuries that she/we cannot deny(or often handle) - while he deviously accomplishes his own cruel agenda as well - is she 'better now than before' or 'worse off than before'?