I, too, used to use literature as a barometer for how my life should be. While I didn't use romance novels (I was more of a brooding, dark novel kinda girl) I understand the appeal. I understand why you would want this fantastic world to become your own; I understand why a lack of something creates a want greater than you can handle. But here's the thing: realistically, as you well know, this isn't going to happen. I agree with Cary, you should leave yourself open and receptive to new romance. More importantly you should leave yourself open to new experience. I hate to say this, but I don't think that love is the be all, end all experience. Self-realization is. Sometimes that comes with love when you find the person who "completes you," or sometimes that comes with doing what you love.

Have you ever noticed that when you're looking for your keys you always tend to find them when you're off doing something else? Perhaps if you poured your energy into something else you'll be able to find the love that you so yearn for. Take a class. Purchase your literature at the neighbourhood bookstore as opposed to the grocery store. It is through these experiences that you find someone who has similar interests which can be the basis for much more. You don't have to actively search for something to find it, just let life happen around you.

Good luck.

as a former LW I have to say that the column helps. The letters section helps, too. In fact, there was something written in the letters section that resonated with just as much as Cary's answer did. Cary doles out good advice. Maybe it is a bit too wishy washy for some people but it is obviosly what the LW was looking for otherwise they would have searched elsewhere for advice and counsel.

When I asked for helped I almost wished I could write each person in the letters section to clarify some things. Some of them misinterpreted what I said, some didn't pay attention the question and some just harped on the background information given. As with everything else, I took what I wanted from it and discarded the rest as rubbish. Even the not-so-favourable letters helped.

So maybe we, the Salon readers and SYA LWs fit a certain mould. Maybe the LWs are a bunch of whiners, maybe the posters are all lonely, dreadful people. Who cares? No one is forcing anyone to read this column. Anyone who reads this gets something out of it whether it be answers, amusement, or finding whipping post in the LW.

Instead of picking it apart or trying to make it into what we want it to be, why can't we just enjoy it for what it is?

I am all too familiar with relatives who enjoy imposing themselves and expect the imposees to rearrange their lives for them but you have to do what you feel is best and what will benefit you and your husband the most. On the other hand, I believe that I am well aware of all the skeletons in my family's collective closet but it doesn't seem like you're well aware of yours.

Uncle Danny could just be a wanderer, nomadic in practice, who wants to settle down for a bit and feels most comfortable doing so with you. Or, he could be wandering around for a reason, he could be searching for something (emotionally, spiritually, whatever). It sounds like you two are his only family connection that he is willing to maintain. There has to be reason why he just traipses around, the same way there is a reason why you don't. Perhaps I haven't read the letter thoroughly enough, but it sounds like he doesn't do this with any other family members. Why is that? Maybe if he had contact with them the mooching would be spread evenly. Maybe if he had contact with them he would still impose upon you for the lion's share of the time because of something with your husband (somebody knows something about someone, or somebody did something to someone). Who knows? Which is why you should ask.

If it gets really bad and it gets to the point where his emotional preservation or the preservation of your relationship with him is not anywhere on your top ten list, then sit him down and talk to him. Be direct, be frank and be concise. Do not drag it out for longer than need be, talk it out with your husband first (which may lead to him telling you why this Uncle Danny has a hold on him, even if he(husband) is just particularly passive) and get it over with. It's like taking off a bandage, the quicker the better. Trust me, I know from experience. Plus, he's family, he'll get over it eventually, right?