I join others who offered sympathy and thanks to the author. I'd like to talk of something else, though. I try to imagine myself in the shoes of her autistic son and I would say that I would likely prefer to be heavily medicated than risk killing or seriously hurting someone, especially his own mother. This man, even though he is autistic, is obviously a conscious being, who is in great pain, but in as much as he is self-aware, he carries some of the burden for his actions. I doubt he would appreciate that his parents are letting him carry such burden like that. Being high-functioning academically is nice, but what good does it do? It is also tragic that whatever sane wishes he may have are also being ignored. If he doesn't want to go to school and complete certification, it would be better to acknowledge that and leave him alone. He has enough difficulty coping with the disease.

I may be oversimplifying some things. I don't have much direct experience with autism, although I have thought much on the topic. To tell you the truth, it really scares and horrifies me. I hope we'll find better ways of getting people with autism to express themselves. Many cannot talk, but instead they can type. But I think there should be a clear sense of what the priorities are. When violence such as this exists, everything else is secondary.

I would say that on the days when LW wound up working in the kitchen alone, she should have asked for help and split their cozy group. They were all selfish to stay out of work and enjoy themselves, and it would've been totally ok to ask someone to volunteer, probably the friend, though not necessarily. Asking to be included is a little more difficult, but when you're the leader, you can dictate your own social dynamic. Yes, as a group they all seem thoughtless and inconsiderate, and maybe there are some hidden feelings and dynamics that are hard to explain. I'm not sure it's worth to get stuck on it too much, though -- especially if they are not prone to introspection, you will likely not prove anything to them.

here's an interesting (and short) op-ed in nytimes on the subject

("they had it made")

http://www.nytimes.com/2009/05/12/opinion/12brooks.html

and an article in atlantic that it cites:

("what makes us happy?")

http://www.theatlantic.com/doc/200906/happiness

I agree with an earlier poster who suggested to go find some people who will help you achieve change. Just go and find more people to talk to or let them find you, whichever. If you think you have wrong friends, this is pretty serious.

spirit of time

I too was kind of annoyed at first at such a preposterous letter, and webbed feet don't sound terribly poetic to me. But the idea itself of wishing for something that doesn't make sense and through that allow another, possibly buried wish to become revealed and realized, I think it's very nice. And like Cary I too wished as a child that I could levitate and thought maybe it was actually possible. It's good to remind yourself of childhood wishes sometimes.

My take on this is that the guy was not really thinking of how his email will be received, but rather doing something that he feels needs to be said. It's as if writing a novel -- what he says makes sense to him, and he feels good about putting things out in the open, but he is just too lazy to consider what others reading it are supposed to do with it. If anything, I'd say at least he has some genuine feelings about LW that prevent him from thinking rationally. That's a very generous take, of course. A less generous take is that he's too much into his own feelings and his own drama to consider clearly the feelings of others, and therefore acts in very weird ways.

I rarely post on this blog, because, as JonathanInTelAviv noted before, it has became a refuge for Israeli bashers of various colors, with whom civilized dialogue is not possible. However, that last post by Goldsilverplatinumbergsteinmen takes the cake. This is about as clear anti-semitic provacation as I can imagine. If this post is allowed to stay, I will lose all remaining respect for Mr. Greenwald.

Regards.

You cannot simply announce to her "I'm here if you want to talk" and then put the burden on her to reach out. Since you have more energy when she comes in, try to offer her something positive -- food, drink, tell her something interesting about what happened to you -- rather than asking her to provide the input. Also, pay attention to how her mood changes, maybe in the beginning she doesn't want to talk and then she does, but you're still in your "silent mode" and it makes her lash out. Honestly, this "silent mode" is a bad idea because it's not a comfortable silence. On the other hand, going somewhere for a run or some other activity that doesn't require communication, or simply going somewhere by yourself and letting her have the alone space may be a better option.

adilanzo, you just stepped on a landmine and ruined the day for the short guys. But, does it not occur to you that the short guys "swarm" you and your short friends because they're ATTRACTED to shorter girls, rather than because of their insecurity? Yes, insecurity probably plays some role, but I think the attraction plays the bigger role, so why not take it as genuine interest, rather than calculated insecurity?

For LW:

I think your observation of Friend #1 may be valuable to her, if she doesn't see it herself, so I think it's worth the risk to diplomatically give your opinion if/when she asks. I wouldn't worry about Friend #2, because it's almost certain she already knows (and been told) she's too picky, so it's not news to her.