"The problem another person had in traffic court, when the judge made them cry, was due to not knowing procedure."

This is not true. I did my research ahead of time, dressed professionally, prepared a statement, and watched other cases before my turn.

And, I did not cry until it was over.

I'm sure experiences vary widely by state, and by judge... but in my case it was not "easy" to get a ticket dropped. And, after this traumatizing experience, I got very sick of people telling me that I could have somehow got the ticket dropped if I had just done it the right way.

I really feel for you. It's not fair that you got a ticket while some reckless assholes never get pulled over. And, it's also true that you cannot drive the speed limit without getting cussed out by everyone else. You are in their way, and they are frustrated and angry. Most people go with the flow of traffic and get pulled over a few times in life, when they get unlucky. You might have to resign yourself to this.

And for everyone saying "You should go to court. They'll probably drop it." That is NOT HELPFUL. I once got a ticket for something extremely minor -- it was absurd, and it was $150, and I was broke and devastated. Everyone told me to go to court. "Oh, the officer won't show up. They'll go easy on you because it's your first time." So I went to court. The judge yelled at me and made me cry, and I had to pay the full amount.

It's a myth that it's easy to fight a ticket. States are broke and dependent on ticket revenue, and unless you have a video that proves you are innocent, you don't have a defense.

I wish I had a solution -- I suspect that you can't pay a driver or quit your job -- but I just wanted to say that I really sympathize with you.

Disgusting. You cannot deny that pageants sexualize children when there is a freaking swimsuit competition.

I am grateful that my parents never signed me up for this stuff.

I would want to hear that you are committed to going to individual therapy and couples therapy. Then get started soon as possible.

Maybe you think you don't need anymore therapy, but if I were her, this would be a deal-breaker.

Tell her that you are thinking about a future with her, but before you make any plans you'd like to attend couples therapy for a year so that you can both be sure that abuse will not happen in your relationship. Therapy will be good for you since this is your first serious relationship since your marriage.

And, it will be good for her because a therapist can help her to navigate the situation. She will probably worry that she is getting sucked into manipulation that will lead to abuse -- a therapist can help her to recognize positive and negative signs, and to be more certain in her decisions.

After a year of weekly couples therapy, you two can start talking about next steps with a solid foundation. She will have the tools to detect abusive behavior in the early stages, and you will have the tools to make sure it never happens again. And, you will both have a common vocabulary to address conflict between the two of you.

Oh god, I knew people would respond by saying things like "Actually Heather, I have seen dull gays in the Castro..."

I thought the article was wonderful. When you hit that perfect voice and tone, there is no stopping you. I enjoyed every word!

-- a smart and stylish lesbian

Back in college, I watched many straight girls throw themselves at gay men like they were the COOLEST THING EVER while they thought lesbians were icky or weird. As a lesbian, I had a hard time making friends with women -- I couldn't relate to their endless stories about men, and I felt like I had to go out of my way to demonstrate that I wasn't hitting on them -- but I could hug my male friends without thinking twice.

I don't wish lesbians were a hot accessory or anything -- but I did find it ironic that so many eager fag hags didn't have any lesbian friends.