Maurilia, I don't buy your Newspeak term "cultural fetishism"? Millions of Western men have fallen for the "I'm just a little kitten who will always worship at your feet" mystique. Millions have woken up to find the kitten is a full grown cat with claws. You only show your ignorance when you mock the idea of green card seekers, or the culitvated art of snaring a man, as if every woman on earth lives in your bland, myopic universe. Did you sneer your way through Memoirs of a Geisha? Have you traveled in Asia? Your response insults the idea that cultures are very different, and sometimes the twain shall never meet. Those of us who are warning the LW about his illusions are simply trying to wake him up to reality. You, however, are slumbering in the morass of Reagan's social engineering: wipe out all distinctions between cultures, and people will be weakened from lack of identity and tradition.

Okay, this is the last time I'm going to respond to this P.C. twaddle. No one said all Asian women become dominant when they get married. It is not racist to point out certain cultural customs. You might as well call anthropologists racists for making cutural observations. If you are uncomfortable with the fact that traditional Asian women are groomed by their mothers in the fine art of pleasing a man in order to catch a husband, that's your problem. But to deny that it exists shows your ignorance. And to call people stupid for pointing it out is rude and arrogant.

And it's not just Asian. Southern women in the US are renowned for perfecting the same wiles. But as many men who have succumbed to those universal wiles will tell you, the charm often evaporates when the knot is tied. In Asia, marriage is about money, status and position. Without it, a woman is nothing. That's in a culture that drowns female babies at birth. Oh, horror.....did I say something racist???

Having lived in Vietnam for six years, I can attest to the fact that it's not just my western male friends who are aware of the syndrome. I know many Asian males who feel the same way. It's an insiders joke, so if Asian men get it, are they stupid racists? Get on a plane and go explore the world. And yeah, those fish-wife used-to-be-kittens all have distinct personalities....ones that make their husbands very unhappy.

My, I'm not surprised you're single, with all that anger. Don't shoot the messenger!

I am also amused at how many people who took issue with my un-PC statements think I'm a man. I am a happily married 61 year old woman who has traveled extensively and lived in Vietnam, Thailand, China and Japan when my husband worked at various American Embassies. I apologize for lumping all these countries and citizens into "Asian" but it was meant as a form of shorthand, not to be dismissive.

And yes, our friends who married fish-wives (which, by the way, is a very real universal archetype....to deny that is simply naive) did, at first, find it charming that their delicate flowers hung on every word and seemed so willing to please them. That's precisely why I felt like warning the LW. That's why people who know about the syndrome nudge and wink at each other.

Not every kitten turns into a cactus, but enough do to give one pause. And no, the husbands did not demand aquiescence or domination. They were enchanted by an illusion and woke up to the harsh reality that neither side had a level playing field in terms of culture, religion, child rearing practices or language....things that make a partnership flow more easily.

It is sad to me that as Americans, we have resorted to attacking each other for not adhering to the Newspeak ideal of cultural Oneness. Is it not possible to discuss cultural differences (whether negative or positive) without taking umbrage or implying the poster is making racist generalizations? Was Bill Cosby being a racist when he said he gets nervous when he enounters a black man on a dark street? Or was he merely commenting on a negative aspect of black culture?

I appreciate the posters who shared their wisdom about the difficulties of blending cultures in marriage. We have known just as many successes, but I personally didn't feel the LW had the maturity or stamina to go there.

Does nobody see what I've been observing for weeks? Cary, I can tell you make these letters up in order to respond to pre-composed answers. The rhythm, the pattern of phrases, the level of literacy of all your LW's....they all sound the same! Like Cary! How come we never see any letters that are poorly written, with gramatical errors? Fess up...you thought it might be entertaining to write some dirty talk, so you composed a letter that invited it. Perhaps the reason you're having a difficult time in your personal life is that you're not being honest with your readers, who waste a great deal of time dissecting your fake letters and responses. The emperor has no clothes, and the whole thing makes me sick. Let's see some real letters, please, before you fall into the category of wasted has-been journalists like Stephen Glass.