No one gets through this life without having an impossible person dumped on them. It is not always avoidable. It's the price you pay for knowing people and having family. People get desperate.

A friend of ours, for instance, sent her husband over to spend some time with us without telling us he had Alzheimers. Another friend parked her schizophrenic son with us for a month so she could go to Italy. They were not acting fairly or honestly toward me, but I forgave these people, because they were desperate for a break.

Then my mother in law moved in next door after her married lover died. She has been totally dependent on us ever since, seven years now. Well, not totally, since she has some money, which means we can hire caregivers and she doesn't have to be under the same roof with us. She was a royal pain for about a year until we got things straightened out.

The fact is, lots of people are in crappy shape, and often no one knows what to do about it. So Cary's suggestions are sound.

What is bad is getting furious and throwing people out. That is the worst thing to do.

-- rtf100 It is hypocrisy, not hypocracy! There are other things wrong with your posting, too.

I think it's sad that these two young people are so unhappy.

I also think it's sad that a woman in trouble gets such hostile responses to her plea for help.

How dare a woman want fulfillment in life? How dare she? She married for love, obviously, and that's some sort of crime? I would guess she still loves him or she would have left already.

These responses sure tell me who the big losers in love and life are.

Of course the "Times" article had to point out that she was not even close to the first choice of the search committee.

I think she can ignore all this; she will undoubtedly do a great job.

What is it about her that makes me hate her so? I do not know. But hate her I do.

I hate Camille Paglia because of who she is.

I teach a consumer economics class, and what I always tell my students is, "I wish I had known how to make a budget when I was young. We would have lived so much better."

Uh one and a two and uh...

Snore.

I'm shaking in my boots. Those blubbery white guys look pretty scary.

Great!

What I like about Cary Tennis's advice here is that he is telling this women to think about herself, not about the guy. The guy is a loss. Alas, so many are.

I see men like this dragging women down all the time. Women who could lead useful lives are wasting their resources on men who don't deserve them, because they have gotten so accustomed to abuse that they mistake it for love.

I agreed with every word of this article. What Oprah does is the opposite of "empowerment." She's an egomaniacal maniac, no better than Bush if you ask me.

What's with all this boys will be boys crap. I know what I think of any man who would insult women. I think a man like that is an asshole.

Read all about it here:

http://www.honoluluadvertiser.com/apps/pbcs.dll/article?AID=2007703020354

I see women like this one everywhere. They may think of themselves as wild, but actually they are the norm, not the exception. They come from the #1 cohort: people born around 1957: the top birth year of the baby boomers. They are bewildered in late middle age, as they find themselves being shut out of all the good stuff that you want when you get older. Many have gotten along bravely without marriage, family, a home, interesting work, a support system of friends: that life in the midst of things, which they told themselves was dull but which was actually beyond their social and economic means-- the stuff that continues to make life worth living as you age. I'm not blaming them. I see them as primary victims of the war on the middle class that started in the 70's and cast so many young people adrift. Who knew that some would drift forever?

That's why there is so much competition for the good guys, the ones with good careers, etc., most of whom are married to the women they started out with. If they get one of those, managing to pry him away from his family, they are getting leftovers.

Well, here's my advice: charming freeloaders have their virtues! Stick with them! Don't come near my husband! I know how to deal with the likes of you! I've done it numerous times.

But basically, I sympathize. And as one poster said, get some girlfriends.

Gosh. My father used to abuse me and my mother. I remember him dragging her around the house smacking her while she screamed one time because he was tired of her asthma attacks. Just a typical family incident. He would sneak up on me and knock me around in an arbitrary way when he was in a bad mood. But we stuck with him until he left us for a woman who believed his nonsense.

My sister got beat up by her husband a while ago but is afraid to leave him, because he has a closet full of guns and is of a vengeful nature. The cops took them away once but gave them back. I can't associate with her because I am too afraid of him. Last time I was there he followed me everywhere like a stalker.

We are not shanty dwellers but rather nice middle class folks.

My husband has never lifted a hand against me. No abusers in my life now!

Ugh!