Letters to the Editor
melew1
Published Letters: 97 Editor's Choice: 6
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Symptoms
[Read the article: Our house is so messy my husband's threatening to leave]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Very few people I know actually enjoy house cleaning, including myself, but I also know it's a necessary evil. I live in a small house with 3 cats that gets both dirty & cluttered easily, so I have to make sure I clean it fairly regularly. But I'm also clinically depressed--& the act of cleaning can sometimes seem like a hopeless endeavor, an insurmountable monster just waiting to swallow me whole, never knowing where I should begin first. The point is--I just DO it...& afterwards when my mood is improved & elevated, it just gives me more incentive to continue to work on other more important projects.
The LW & her husband are both depressed, & it looks like there is a more destructive force going on within their marriage than just the lack of a clean house. Depression causes inertia & inactivity. When I was a kid I was expected to take care of my own messes, it was instilled in me to clean my own room or any other slop I made. If the LW is depressed, she probably doesn't want to or simply cannot take the time to encourage the same cleaning habits with her kids. This all just seems very symptomatic of something much deeper.
First, they just need to get the house CLEANED PRONTO, however they choose to do it. It may help them get on the right track towards thinking more clearly about their family/marital situation without all the visual, physical reminders of a messy house. A clear head always helps in making decisions. Hopefully, then they can begin to tackle more important issues surrounding their marital dysfunction through connecting with some skilled, professional help.
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Closeness
[Read the article: My alcoholic father has a child we never knew about]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I have a biological brother & sister that live out of state--I see & talk to them fairly often, we are close. I also have a half-sibling from my father's 2nd marriage who I love dearly & lives in the same town as I do. I have dozens of cousins, aunts & uncles scattered all over the country whom I've never met, don't really have any desire to do so, & I know most of them are probably dead by now anyway. I have other cousins I haven't seen in 30-45 years, & I don't care if I ever see them again. Not because I dislike them for any reason, but after so much absence I feel no emotional ties to them at all, blood relatives or not. It's the same way I felt after my college friends moved on, people I used to know at one phase in my life but no longer do after many decades of not staying in touch. I have good friends now who seem more like siblings to me because we are in close contact on a regular basis.
Connection is connection, whether it's through close family ties or trusted friends. Blood ties make no difference to me if a lifetime is spent not being with them, not knowing who they are. I don't think the LW should be wasting time trying to find the half-sibling, because it may lead to alot of heartache, false hope, & dashed expectations. Since this person is a total stranger who may or may not be receptive to contact from the LW, why set yourself up for heartache if there is potential risk for an emotional shutout?
Let the half-sibling decide first if any contact should occur. Because for me, I would find it all to be too much of an emotional drain on my precious time & energy.
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@anon 7:42
[Read the article: Quote of the Day]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Couldn't agree with you more. For crissakes, Broadsheet, sometimes you really need to give it a rest. Do you actually think people are all that interested in reading this stuff? Next thing you'll be waxing philosophical on the river of cold sweat flowing between menopausal breasts.
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the term fight comes in variances of degrees
[Read the article: Long live mad married people]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]The term "bicker" being on the lowest end of the scale, the term "explosive rage" being on the highest. I would imagine that there are many different degrees of fighting that fall somewhere in between. I've noticed that many of the more healthy, happy couples I know engage more frequently in a mild form of bickering than the more miserable ones, who tend towards a slow burn. There needs to be an outlet provided somewhere, & a safety valve that provides a slow, steady stream of relief is alot less dangerous than an explosive, faulty pressure cooker.