Letters to the Editor
RevMom
Published Letters: 31 Editor's Choice: 11
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Been There, Wish I'd Done That
[Read the article: I'm a small-town girl dreaming of the big-city lights]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I was married at 23, divorced at 25, in no small part because in the small midwestern town where I grew up it was the norm. My parents expectations (that my first husband was the best catch someone like me could hope to get) played no small role in my lowered expectations for life. Why do I believe the letter writer? Because I was her, once upon a time. My ex and I moved to the suburbs of a big city (Washington DC) and within two years my doubts about us going the long haul turned into a conviction we were all wrong for each other. My family was hostile to me for years after the breakup (they didn't like him at all, but never told me, and really truly felt I was blowing my one chance at a decent life). When you are surrounded by people with zero imagination it can be hard to base your actions on your dreams and ambitions. To a lot of small town folk, dreams and ambitions are just unrealistic wishful thinking. They don't know anyone who has ever been anywhere or done anything so they certainly don't think Little Old You, the girl they knew when she was an awkward pre-teen, can make anything of herself. Listen to your heart now, before you need to engage a lawyer to do so.
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"Bum" Reference
[Read the article: I Like to Watch]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]Don Jr. did say that the homeless person in the commercial would likely "alienate half your demographic" or words to that effect. Check your Tivo, Heather.
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A Tough Question
[Read the article: Churches slam doors on sex offenders]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]I was briefly at a congregation where a convicted sex offender worshipped. This man's wife was at that time the elected head of the congregation. Some folks knew about it. They supported this man while in prison, writing letters and such, and had a "he's paid his debt to society" attitude. It was a large congregation and there was no mechanism for letting new people know. Shortly before I left my husband overheard a socially awkward 5th grader point to this man and say to another child, "That's the guy who tells the funny jokes." In other words, he was chatting up kids. Some of the staff just didn't get it. The youth pastor was worried because this man was involved in a theater group with a very attractive 17-year-old. I explained that based on what I knew of the man, she was way too old for his perversions. It all skeeved me out but I didn't know what to do about it. Now (7 years later) my denomination has a program called "Safe Churches" that requires churches to put policies in place that keep vulnerable people safe in order to keep insurance coverage with the denomination. These policies generally take the position that unrelated adults shouldn't be alone with children. The members of the church at Carlsbad are concerned that the sex offender might use church as a way to scope out potential victims and learn their names and contact info from the church directory. As a parent, I would feel the same way.
There are plenty of churches where there are no children, only old people. They would find the presence of a "nice young man" who might give them rides and buy their groceries for them quite healing. Maybe God is calling these sex offenders to integrate into such communities.
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Get Your Dad Out of There!
[Read the article: I'm ashamed to be ashamed of my father]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]A family member faced this exact same thing with her 48(!)-year-old brother. The mold and filth in the house caused him to come down with Legionnaire's disease. He survived (barely), but is in a nursing home where he may live for the rest of his life. Talk to the local VA hospital and social services agencies and try to get your dad on a list for supportive housing and treatment for his mental illness. Unfortunately, even under the best of circumstances the wait can be 2 years, so act soon.
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Don't Give Up
[Read the article: Are men spoiled rotten?]
[Read more letters about this article: Here]When I found myself single at 37 I was upfront about my circumstances very early on in the dating process--I wanted to have kids, didn't think I could due to my age and wasn't willing to go to extreme medical lengths. I was willing to adopt and preferred older children, since I wasn't so young myself. My then-new boyfriend (6 years younger than me, incidentally) thought that sounded great. In another year he proposed, and now we are happily parents of adopted tweens.
I don't know what you want but you need to be straight with guys. Remember 95% of communication is non-verbal. Think about how these guys told you they wanted a long term relationship. Were they vague or even evasive? You could even be setting yourself up. I know a guy who used to loudly kvetch to everyone that nice girls don't let you have sex for 3 months. Surprise surprise, he never got any before the 3-month mark. Your expectations often determine the outcome in relationships. Are you going around complaining about how men always dump you?
Be honest, and keep your eyes wide open but don't open your heart too soon. Don't be afraid to scare guys off after a few dates. It saves everyone time and heartache.
As for the men who are still bitter because girls wouldn't give them the time of day 20 years ago--how pathetic is that? Stay away from those guys.