In that case, she'd have to count for someone who decided to put her on a "Sexiest Men" list. Otherwise, we'd be just as bad as her.

And can we please stop screaming for Sanjaya's head now? As the nation's throat grows hoarse, it seems to me that the more we scream at such minor annoyances, the less vocal strength we have left for indignities that are actually worth our time ('sup Alberto).

...from the billboard I see every morning when I walk to work.

On this billboard, the three main characters are in bed, with only the middle character not under the covers. The male protag is looking beleaguered in that "awwwwwwwwww I get no nookie AMIRITE GUYS" kind of way that Ray Romano killed two seasons into his semi-eponymous sitcom and then flogged for seven more.

Good ol' Rev. Frank is in the middle, with the smile of the über-meddler. I won't even get to how far Robin Williams has fallen; let's just say that I think the problem started when he started playing humans.

The female protag (who once, to her credit, apologized to her fans for her pop career. How long before she apologizes for this?) looks almost twice her twenty-three years with her face screwed up into something resembling the "disgusted shrew" that we see on way too many females in sitcoms these days.

This morning, I said to myself, "Joseph, don't worry. When it does $3 million in its first week, it'll be bounced out, and you won't have to see that again." Of course, that was quickly followed by a guffaw that I think is still resonating on my streets.

How long will it be before the layer of lipstick on the pig known as the summer movie starts to cast its own shadow?

Bring me a golden-haired maiden, a handlebar mustache, and a railroad track!

Pretty sweet, Tom.

I'm not an idiot. Really.

Maybe someone with more time on their hands will add up the Phillies' actual record during the 1990s and post it

The mighty, mighty Wiki comes through.

1990: 77-85

1991: 78-84

1992: 70-92

1993: 97-65

1994: 54-61

1995: 69-75

1996: 67-95

1997: 68-94

1998: 75-87

1999: 77-85

Total for the decade: 732-823, making 91 more wins than losses.

Best part of the comic; it just sums everything up (re: pundits, condescending attitudes, and stubbornness), and it's just something that might not occur to us to write (at least not to me).

Dem:

"1x = Theft, 2x = Fluke, 3x = Deserved"

"Democracy: Remember That?"

"Two Strikes and You're Out! Vote Dems!"

GOP Tiebreaker:

"America: Land of... Third?... Chances?"

...but why mix a crushing negative (landfill) and faint praise (cat scat) with a seemingly glowing positive (14 million trees)?

If my math is correct, Tim's chances of having a final score of 6/10 would be 1/3921225, which is only slightly more likely than a fair coin coming up heads 22 times in a row.

His chances of 10/10? Just over 65%.

In short, Tim's chances of ultimately being marked a 10/10 were 2,555,190 times as good as a 6/10.

Simply adding the numbers together doesn't account for overlap; for example, if we had a 100-person survey, and I name Giuliani, Romney, and Thompson, that goes down as one percent toward all three, but if I draw a blank, that's only one percent toward the group of "could not name a candidate."

I, too, would like to see proof of this.

Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to appear as the answer in "Pictures of Mathematically Anal-Retentive People" for $800.

Please say "Pull out of Iraq"... please say "Pull out of Iraq"... please say "Pull out of Iraq"... please say "Pull out of Iraq"...

I bet it's "happenstance!"

...and it's "symbolically."

Not all shit is fecal in nature.

Having said that, let me get off this unusually tall horse to say that this was yet another great strip from Keef the Great.

1) Fix the broken tag on page 5, please.

2) Your link to Strong Bad's "dragon" e-mail goes to "sugar bob." "dragon" is #58.

3) What, no (insert forgotten soul's name here)?!?

"Joseph is of the mind that Flaubert was superior to Proust." versus "Joseph club bird drag knuckles get bloody." Totally even playing field, guys!

Seriously, content is what matters, and a half-assed linguistic gymnastic maneuver (which I've had to pull myself) is no substitution for wit, nor will the freedom from same lower the level of "dialogue."

I'm of the mind (there's that phrase again) that Facebook had little reason to keep the forced "is" in the status update template; perhaps they enjoyed the verbal pretzels we had to make when we played along, and/or the mangled wrecks of baked dough we created when we didn't.

I love how the entire span of the comic strip is 15 minutes. It would be even better if that was unplanned, but still very cool nevertheless.

It's this type of thing that makes me glad to be a gamer more than a TV watcher.

But dammit, don't do that to us again, OK?!