Lonewolfy, I don't think there is anyone here who trivializes the harsh problems out in the world and here at home. And in our own homes, where we should be safe, but may not be.

May I just mention that after the devastating hurricanes in Cuba a few years ago, the NUMBER ONE thing that the people said they needed in terms of international aid was . . . musical instruments!

Yes, it is true and some locals here in my city organized a shipping container full of working musical instruments donated by people across Canada to be sent to the people of Cuba.

The Cubans, as I am sure you know, have known decades of the miseries caused by food shortages, rotting infrastucture, and let's not forget oppression in a police state . . . and yet the thing they craved most, the one thing that would ensure they got through yet another miserable time, the one thing that would help them feel MOST HUMAN again after their tragedy was being able to play music.

Of course they needed food and water to sustain their physical needs, but they also needed music again so that they could re-affirm their essential human-ness, their dignity, their soul, if we can use that word.

Lonewolfy, I don't dismiss the terror and fear and trauma and damage that you have experienced, believe me.

But surely there must be SOMETHING beyond food, water and money that got you through—that still gets you through—the most terrible times of your life. Is there not SOMETHING, some small, intangible but vital thing that stirs your heart, that makes it worth facing the next day? That keeps you going? That reminds you that you are a PERSON, and that keeps you participating in this as well as the bigger conversations of human life?

I'm not trying to be all flaky and woo-woo. But I know that we ALL need those things that remind us we are human. ESPECIALLY when we are hurt and scared and lost and people are trying to treat us as if we didn't matter. It is only MEANING that helps us endure what we endure.

I suspect you check in here because this forum offers you something along those lines. I can only speak for myself, but I will admit that is why I've been dropping in lately.

I wish you the best.

. . . but then again I love satire, and am always mystified by those who don't get it.

Now, the real question is: which of the regular posters submitted the letter?

C'mon, 'fess up . . .

Good morning everyone,

Just wanted to say Thank You to Cary and everyone else for taking the time to respond—so many supportive and challenging replies! It really is helping me to sort through all this stuff.

Just to clarify something: please don't fear that I have any delusions of embarking on a full-fledged science path of B.Sc—Masters—Ph.D—Post Doc at this phase of my life. I have many friends in Oceanography and Geology and am very aware—and wary—of the arduous path they chose, and how their careers are going. I do realize that intro survey courses are not the same as "credentials" — I am really not a flakey person! The point I was trying to make with that was that when I was young I had severely limited my own career options simply because I thought I was "not smart enough" to even THINK about pursuing anything related to those areas. Self-imposed limitations can be worse than those imposed by others!

The reference to "retraining" was more about "repositioning" along the lines of Scientific Illustration or Educational Communications or Web Design or Project Management, as a few people already mentioned. There IS much more to graphic design than making "pretty patterns"—ugh! And it's not nearly as "creative" as some people think. Bradylord has pinpointed the situation perfectly.

Also, I may not be clear on exactly how a "Trust Fund" works— but I have never met anyone in Canada who has one, so please don't get the impression that I have some magical source of wealth. I am really a very ordinary person, living very simply, with a modest but steady income that I can spend mostly as I please (after the bills are paid.)

And finally, regarding the issue of unforeseen medical expenses, well, we already faced that a few years ago. My husband had to go through chemo, and yes it would have cost us well over $30,000, but in Canada that is paid for by our public health insurance. (It certainly would have bankrupted both of us if we did have to pay for it.) I mention it because it was a scary time that forced us both to question a lot of that "purpose of life" stuff, and in many ways it has lead to the questions I am asking here today.

Thank you again to all who have taken the time to share your thoughts—much appreciated.