First of all, my condolences to you on the loss of your fiancé. This must have been a terrible thing for you.

Now, lest people accuse me of being too harsh, let me state that I do believe that SOME people can and do change throughout life. Lots of people don't show much promise at 22, and can still decide at some point that they want to "get it together."

HOWEVER, I also believe that many 22-year-old boys are too young for many 22-year-old girls, let alone most 28-year-old girls.

A lot of 22-year-old boys can be like 16-year-olds, only with more money and legal independence. A lot of 28 year old girls have (hopefully) moved on from a lot of adolscent stuff.

I don't think many 22-year-old boys would ever be able to "catch up" with a woman 6 years older—I'm not saying it never happens, it just seems to me that your particular relationship will always be out of sync, at most stages of your lives. (When he's 28 you'll be 34 . . . etc. etc.) The gap might close a bit over time, but remember that so much growing and changing happens in peoples 20s and 30s-when he gets around to age 28, you BOTH may again have changed into people neither of you recognize.

In the interest of full disclosure, I'll mention that I am 10 years younger than my husband, and it works for us, but I realize that some people would find that too much of an age difference in the other direction. To each their own.

Honestly LW, it doesn't sound like you and your boyfriend have much in common. End it gracefully, if that is possible, and move on to someone who is a better match for you.

I wish you the best.

Yes . . . clearly "chronological age" is just a number, and the real difference is maturity, interests, and ambition—all the things that really matter.

I suppose it is unfair to put all people into categories strictly BECAUSE of their age— after all, we all know exceptionally mature 18-year-olds, amazingly immature 50-year-olds, etc.

I do believe however, that we seem to live in a world where certain things are more "allowed" at certain ages than at others. Teenagers and young adults do have some freedoms to goof around and "get stuff out of their system" in ways that become embarrassing or unseemly just a few years later.

I also believe that yes, a lot of people do change, especially in their 20s. Lots of men and women grow out of being dorks, and become quite interesting, sophisticated people.

I wonder though, if for the LW and her boyfriend, we really ARE seeing some things that are actually very "typical" for a lot of 22 and 28 year olds, rather than something unusual.

The boyfriend might be a "typical" (not unusual) 22 year old goofball, and the girl might be a "typical" 28 year old "grown up" (or at least more of a grown up than her boyfriend.) I am not sure there is any way around this gap, unless one or both of them made almost impossible changes to become more like the other. And I don't think many would want to see the 28-year-old "regress" to the interests and ambition level of the 22-year-old.

Lots of 22 year olds are still teenagers, lots of 28 year olds have put that stuff aside and have moved on to the business of being an adult. So that why I say that I don't these two will defy the odds and find some way of ever "getting to the same place" in life when they are right now so obviously out of sync with one another.

So, I guess I simplify it all by saying that in this case, it does seem that their respective ages—or maybe better phrased as "stages of life"— are the obstacle, and there is probably no escaping that.

. . . and that is that a lot of girls and women have a tremendous fear of being seen as the "mean" or "heartless" one who ends the relationship.

This fear can be so strong, that I think some girls and women would rather endure any amount of crap rather than be the "bad" one in the story.

They really are afraid that someone will say "Oh, you cruelly left that poor, helpless lost puppy of a boy (or whatever)? What are you some kind of (gasp) TERRIBLE PERSON??"

And we've all heard people (mostly women) agonize over it: "Oh, no! I'm not a bad person! Am I? No, I am good and kind and supportive . . . and look how many sacrifices I make . . . I understand him when nobody else does . . . I am the only one who is sweet to him when everyone else is against him . . So you see I am a good person . . ." and so on.

I can't even begin to speculate as to whether this is something "programmed" or "learned" but it is there.

I think if that fact were more recognized and discussed, it might be easier to get to the root of some of these situations where people should obviously leave but don't.

Even though it's a destructive emotion for so many reasons (ie., there is nothing wrong with self-preservation, no one likes a martyr, and the really big shocker that He Actually Will Get Over You!!!) it is still real and should not be underestimated.

I think that is why we always see so many of these lousy situations. I don't like it, but I think that may be part of the reason.