LW, please listen to what many people on this forum have already said: there is NO REASON for you to sacrifice your life to become an unpaid babysitter for a soon-to-be-well-paid lawyer.

Believe the people here who are trying to tell you that this situation will soon feel like a LIVING DEATH. This is not an exaggeration. If you get trapped in this relationship (which is very shaky, by the way) you will be completely and utterly miserable within a very short time.

The child clearly has needs that few people are equipped to handle. You are not family, and you are neither obligated nor qualified to try to magically fix his problems—for FREE no less! Remember, nannies and child care workers do this difficult, exhausting WORK with other people's children because they are PAID.

Your "boyfriend" is a grown man, an adult, a parent with a child and a professional law career. He is perfectly capable of dealing with his life in a grown-up way. (Like arranging for appropriate assistance for his special-needs child.) He does not need to use the free services of a 23-year-old WHO HAS FAR MORE IMPORTANT THINGS TO BE DOING RIGHT NOW.

23 is a FANTASTIC age, in some ways it is the BEST age: you have SO MANY options open to you. _YOU_ could study to become a lawyer—or anything else—if you wanted to. Or, you could start some kind of entrepreneurial venture. You could travel to a place you have always wanted to visit. You could work a "fun" low-stress job and enjoy spending time with your friends on your off hours. Look seriously at all the options that are out there for you NOW—in some cases, these options may not be as accessible later in your life.

If you do sacrifice your youth for a dubious "boyfriend" (?) when you are 23, I guarantee that you will be profoundly unhappy in 7 years time when you are facing 30.

You have nothing to lose by walking away from this situation and everything to gain. Move on, start building a life that is the life YOU want, filled with people you love and who love you. I know that it is easier said than done, but please find the courage to begin.

The time you have to be young is precious. Don't squander it on this no-win deal.

This conversation started out great yesterday and really took a turn for the worse today.

The LW seems like a pretty normal 23-year-old student, who is in a precarious relationship that, let's face it, is not going to last. I would guess that it is less of a real "relationship", and more of a convenient, kinda-fun-sometimes situation for both of them. Not a great situation to be in, not even a mature situation to be in, but certainly not worthy of certain hate-filled spewings that have recently shown up here today.

For some reason, the LW feels the next step with this guy is to move in together, and that she should resign herself to her new domestic "responsibilities." She wrote the letter (to Salon, by the way, not "Ladies Home Journal") to get some REAL perspective on the situation, and after getting tons of great advice yesterday, certain people suddenly start hurling accusations of -gasp- "selfishness", as well as that wonderful red herring, "anti-maleness."

Selfish? That has very little to do with what's actually going on in this story.

Immature? Maybe, but she's 23, not 30, she's still a student, and she sounds a lot smarter than I ever was at 23. I don't think there is anything wrong with a 23-year-old not wanting to move in with someone she calls her "boyfriend" and become a step-mom to someone else's child. Why? Because she doesn't want to. End of discussion.

Unsure of herself? Definitely. Also pretty normal for 23, but she had the sense to write to THIS forum, where people will not only tell it like it is, but also have a sense of the bigger picture. We have all seen these kinds of things before, and we know that there is no way it can end well. And mostly everyone here has told her so, which I think is fabulous.

For those few people who want to say that the LW is "selfish" — Well, I don't see anyone here going "Oh, pick me, pick me! I'll quit my studies (they're not important) and my job (it's only money) and move in and be the full-time unpaid carefiver for this DARLING, PRECIOUS child!!!"

What? No volunteers for this plum job? Did I mention that rent is included? Still no? My, aren't we all just a little bit selfish?

Are those few people who are convinced of LW's "selfishness" really saying she should JUST GO FOR IT!? Go ahead, give it your best shot! Stop overanalyzing, everything will be magically fixed and will work out JUST FINE if only you stop being so SELFISH and start WISHING harder!" Yeah, right— I am sure you would give that advice to your own friend, your own sister, your own daughter.

Oh, and to make one other point absolutely clear, if the genders or ages or both were reversed, my advice to "the couple" would still be exactly the same: DON'T MOVE IN TOGETHER. It would still be disastrous—and if they still chose to ignore all the shrill ranting from us anti-male "harpies" then, well, that is also their right.