I mean, if you really hate doing those things, the things where other people are given permission to sap every bit of your precious life energy out of you, don't you think it's time to hand some of those responsibilities over to the people who would be rejuvenated by that personal interaction?

Otherwise, it sounds like you are letting people be very mean to the person named "Clara"—doesn't she count for something too? Or is she (and her wishes) somehow "less valuable" than those of others?

I think too many people fall for the lie that only the "significant" things matter in peoples lives. We feel we can only "do good" by doing direct and obvious "helping." This is not true!

We can do a great deal of good by being a good neighbor and friend, maybe much more than if we spend our precious spare time phoning (harrassing) strangers to get charitbable donations.

Devoting your energy into the things that bring yourself true, deep lasting joy is not selfish. It is not hedonistic. Gardening or technical work is not "fluff."

Believe me, In the city, we NEED people who know about gardening, who care about making the earth beautiful. Beauty is not a "luxury", and it has nothing to do with fashion or other superficial pursuits. Beauty is a deep human need — just ask all the people who's souls have been crushed by militaristic "utopian" regimes in the past century, the people who were deprived of so many forms of beauty: natural, architectural, musical, literary, artistic, personal . . .

Doing activities that lift your own heart has the unintended consequence of lifting the hearts of others—you do something joyful, you create some joy, even if small or fleeting. So you see, there is a benefit to "society" when you yourself are happy.

I know exactly how you feel about the draining effect of too many other people. I am an "intorvert" too. I learned a long time ago that I am no good as an elementary school teacher, or a recreation leader, or in any kind of role where I have to "put on a show." (Also, you DON"T want me to make the cookies for your bake sale!)

So I leave those jobs to the ones who love it, who are fantastic with kids, with parents, with audiences. (And with baking!)

Don't understimate the importance of the "behind the scenes" roles. I'll never be on "center stage" as a singer, dancer, or actor, but as a designer I can create a damn fine stage design or a kick-ass poster that promotes the show. (And is also sellable as a fundraiser! See, it does do some good!)

I can't teach really young students, special needs students, or troubled students. So when I do teach, I teach what I love—Design— and this ONLY in a small group setting, where everyone is an adult. My responsibilities to the students go so far, and then the rest is up to them. That's what I can handle. Anything else would leave me despondent—and utterly useless.

What good would I be to anyone then?

Put your energy into the things that give you joy, let others do the activities that give THEM joy. Everyone will benefit.

The worst part of it was that after this so-called "perfecting" phase had passed, he turned into a person who could not, and would not, tolerate the slightest "disobedience."

And it was scary, scary, scary.

You have one question to ask yourself: Is this how you want to live the rest of your life? There are only two possible answers: Yes or No.

I really hope you decide to end this relationship now.

I don't know if it was written by a precocious little kid, an older kid, or an adult pretending to be a kid, but it was interesting, and so are all the answers.

Certainly a refreshing change from the really difficult issues some people are dealing with.

You have found something you love—keep doing it for the sheer joy of it.

You have stuck with it long enough to get decent calluses! YAY! That's COOL! Now you are a teeny tiny bit closer to being a "real" guitar player!

You say you have no trouble keeping a beat—even better! (That has always been my biggest obstacle to music.) Keep practicing, keep ENJOYING practicing. "Good" will come later.

Ya know, if it is happiness you seek, I wonder if there is any way to cut down on that 4 hours a day you are spending commuting. Imagine what you could do with 4 extra hours a day . . . 20 extra hours a week . . . 80 extra hours a month . . . . almost 1000 extra hours a YEAR!!!!