. . . that all the people here who actually KNOW how horrible and damaging mental illness can be—either from experience, or from professional knowledge—are stating emphatically how important it is for the LW as well as his kids to get out of the situation.

I must agree, 100% with those posts.

Sorry to sound "unloving" or "uncompassionate" but you can't wish away severe mental illness just by being "nice", just like you can't wish away cancer or paralysis by being "understanding."

Some "mental" illnesses have a strong genetic component and are characterized by physical deteriorations in specific parts of the brain. "Niceness" does not undo this damage, just like niceness does not make an amputated limb grow back.

I've been around this situation too, and it is the unfortnate nature of certain illnesses that sometimes they make a person do terrible things that they would never do if they were their "real self."

"Niceness" won't prevent the mother from severely traumatizing her family (at best) or injuring/killing herself or others.

The LW is not some "bad person" for wanting to save his own life and those of his kids. He must do what needs to be done or else we will all end up reading about the end of this story in the media, saying things like "Tsk, tsk, what a shame . . . who ever could have predicted such a thing . . ."

Please remember that mental illness is very often an unfixable, physical condition—not something that happens to people because others aren't compassionate enough. It is easy for us to beat ourselves up for "not doing enough" rather than remember that we all have definite limitations.

LW, please get the support and help you need to make a good, safe life for yourself and your kids.

I wish you all the best.

I would only like to add one thing:

While I am not a parent, I have done a lot of teaching with youth and teens—plus the obvious: I was also a teen and a college student not too long ago myself!

Most young people I meet (male and female) seem to be reasonably informed about birth control and STDs. For most of them, this is not a big deal. They do seem to know how to "play responsibly."

The one piece of advice that I don't think young people hear enough today, though, is that sex really is more than just "play." There IS an emotional component to it that is unavoidable. Maybe it is the case that this emotional connection is stronger for girls than for boys, but I would guess that with boys it is a bigger deal than they are willing to admit.

If I was a parent, I would want kids and young adults to know that sex is a natural part of life, that you have to be responsible, that there can be consequenses, AND ALSO that there really is (and should be) and emotional connection between people having sex.

This comes from the fact that I just don't see any evidence that "too many" partners in a lifetime is good for anyone's emotional well-being. It's up to the individual to decide this for themselves, but I do see some clear indications that "too many" partners can make both men and women very bitter, or very jaded about life and love.

People who treat sex as nothing more than a game, a conquest, or "nothing more than a handshake" as we used to hear in the 70s, just don't seem to do well in adult relationships. Some of those people have difficulty relating to their partners as human beings.

Kids should enjoy their youth. But they should also know how to keep their hearts from getting broken too many times as well.

Sometimes, it helps to remember the old cliche:

"You are a human being, not a human doing."

Everyone has intrinsic worth because they exist, not because they "do good" or achieve "great" things.

As for volunteering . . . it's not for everyone. A lot of people who are "compelled" to volunteer are there for the wrong reasons: busy-bodyishness, resume-building, a need to be recognized as a saint . . . the worst are the unemployable misfits who nobody can deal with, but who are there anyway at the recommendation of their counsellors.

Volunteering is fine for those who truly love it, but you have to treat it just like any other job, just one that happens to be unpaid.

Personally, I find volunteering to be a bit of a vortex, so I stay away from it.

I think the answers will come if you continue to try engaging with the world in a way that is comfortable and meaningful for you.

And, to be honest, I think this is a lifetime quest for most people. The main thing is to keep yourself surrounded with good people, who you love and respect, and who love and respect you.