. . . to know male-female ratio of the opinions here today.

The letters I interpret (or know) to be from males, all seem to say that the guy has been honest—he doesn't want the girl around during this painful and private time, but he doesn't want to be the "mean" one that says the painful words.

The letters that I interpret (or know) to be from females, well most of those are also saying the same thing, but the women's group also seem to contain the smaller group of dissenters who believe she should stick around until she finds out the guy's real, true hidden feelings. (For which she will, presumably, be rewarded for being so loyal during his time of difficulty.)

Is this true? Is it only the (small subset of ) the women who think that this relationship can be wished into something more than it is? Do any of the guys agree about the secret-hidden-feelings-needing-to-be-pried-out thing?

I think this would tell us something.

PS: I'm female, in case you couldn't tell by now, and I am (obviously) voting for the "leave him be and get on with your life" side.

Sorry if "Pragma" thinks I'm crazy, but I think the LW is setting herself up for dissapointment with this guy if she keeps pushing for him to say what he "really" feels.

If I was in this terrible situation I surely wouldn't want some clingy guy hanging around, imposing himself on private family matters after clearly being told to give us some space and privacy. That would add a whole other level of pain and stress that nobody needs.

Someone earlier said "you're not family" and I think that is the key to the whole thing right there.

. . . is that a lot of people grow up and REALLY surprise you.

It's natural to feel anxious about where you think you "should" be in your life at certain milestones, and there's nothing like a high-school reunion to bring out any and all "status anxieties."

Don't underestimate how some people really "come into their own" after high school. When people start to chart their own course in life, it is amazing what they can become. I bet you are way more interesting and together than you were 15 years ago, and you can be sure that a lot of other people are the same. (And not in the "superstar" ways that you might think.)

For this reason, reunions can be eye-opening and worthwhile. You can re-connect with people you didn't know very well back then, and find out they have become interesting, fascinating people in so many unexpected ways. People are not yet "themselves" in high school. 15 years later, they are a lot closer to being "who they really are."

Regarding the jerks: YES, some of them are still jerks—and some of them have wised up. But it helps to prepare for that by considering it part of the entertainment, especially if you go and be YOUR VERY BEST SELF and realize that those losers don't have power over you anymore. This is why it's OK to play it all up a little bit, even be a bit smug if you like.

My 10th reunion was a blast: I showed up back in good ol' redneck Fort McMurray (American readers might want to substitute "Alaska") in a tight red minidress, black high heels and a dykey-spikey brush cut! Those northern boys (and girls) didn't know what to think of that (hey, it was the early 90s), but I had a crowd of people around me all night and a hundred people to dance with. (And who kept wanting to pat my head.) But, sorry, I digress . . .

I had some great conversations with some great people I was happy to meet again "for the first time." We had lots of laughs, and I realized that the real "winners" were those who had found their own path to happiness and contentment. (By the way, the "losers" were all at their own table acting all bitter and snarky about everything—which only made us laugh harder!)

Honestly, you would be surprised how people you never expected can begin to conduct themselves with courtesy and graciousness . . . in short most high school students eventually do become adults.

If you really can't bring yourself to go, plan something else special for you and your boyfriend and/or your other friends for that weekend to mark the occassion and post a little note on Facebook like "I'd love to go but can't make it because I will be doing (whatever). Best wishes to all of you."

Have fun, whatever you decide to do.

It's also fascist.

A bunch of women sitting around saying things like

"Oh a picture of a baby in a bath? You MUST label zhat page BUBBLE TRUBBLE!!!!

And YOU VILL USSSEE ZHIS BUBBLE-SHAPED LETTERING!!!! YOU HAFF NO CHOICE!!!!!!!"

So fun-eeeee. So sill-eeeeee.

It makes those of us who ARE creative and who actually WORK at finding ways to stretch our creativity and skills more than a little nauseated.

And as for "disrespecting" all those "womanly arts of the domestic sphere?" Gee, I just got back from Chemistry class and some ditsy gal wants me to be impressed that she's alphabetized her spice rack. Yeah, hey, that's quite an accomplishment. Almost as great as the day you wasted dusting those goddammed figurines.

Thanks ladies, your doing sooooo much to help us all with that respect and equality thing.