Ah, that Celtic Charm . . . I know all about it. I married my sweetie because of it and we are still madly in love 10 years later . . . sigh! : ) I tell you this so you don't think I'm heartless.

BUT! Giving up a spot in a graduate program, plus scholarships!!! (other people would kill or die for that opportunity) for a relationship that was pretty casual to begin with and where the guy HAS GIVEN YOU A WAY TO END IT GENTLY AND GRACEFULLY—please tell us you have changed your mind since you wrote the letter.

Indulge me while I share this story from when I was 19, in love with a wonderful boy. We were both inexperienced in matters of the heart, and unaware of the ways of the world. And I will tell you he was truly wonderful: good, kind, caring, smart, responsible, funny . . . to this day he is a person I still think highly of.

If all had gone according to script, we would have gotten married at 22, and lived a nice ordinary suburban life . . . in . . . in . . . Edmonton. (Alberta.)

But we had many problems (I won't go into all of them here). For one thing, I HATED Edmonton. I couldn't connect there, and I didn't BELONG there. I couldn't imagine spending the rest of my life there.

There was ONE thing that would have made all this (almost) OK: I had wanted to continue my education, get my training in Graphic Design, the ONE careeer I really wanted to do with all my heart. Once that was done, THEN I think MAYBE I could have "settled down", gotten married, and been content to live anywhere there was a decent amount of work. And yes, I could have even resigned myself to making an honest go of it in Edmonton.

There were even practical options for how this could have been accomplished: ie, there were some good programs close by, but in the end we were unable to discuss it intelligently at all. Neither of us were yet "grown ups." The breaking point was one day when he said:

"I just don't understand why this is important to you. Why do you have to do this at all?"

So, in a moment (actually a couple of weeks) of anger and confusion and waaaaay to much drama, I dumped him and broke his sweet, kind, innocent heart.

And a year later, after saving up some money, I was on a plane to a tiny art college 6 provinces and three time zones away, about as far away from Edmonton as it is physically possible to get and still be in Canada.

That was in 1990. Do I have any regrets about this? SOME: As an older and now hopefully wiser person, I regret the abruptness, the meanness, the stupidity, the drama, the immaturity, and that I couldn't express my thoughts clearly and confidently. I regret hurting him and a number of other friends during that time. I regret causing him and his family significant embarrassment. I regret that I have never been able to tell him (and his lovely family) how sorry I was that it all ended that way.

But I have NEVER, NOT FOR A SINGLE MOMENT, regretted getting on that plane and going back to school and getting a rich and well-rounded education that took my life in a completely different direction from what it was before. My current life, career and, yes, marriage would never have been possible had I not taken that chance, and made that move way back almost 20 years ago.

You, dear LW, are in a far better situation than I was—first of all, you are older and smarter, and your (sweet, charming Celtic) guy has given you an out. This is a GIFT. You can move on, and so can he, with kindness, fond memories, dignity and graciousness. There will be no teenage drama, no unkind words, no heartbreak, no regrets.

From your letter, it doesn't sound like your guy is a "bad man." He sounds good an kind. But please realize that he has already let you go. For many reasons, he can't be with you now and he has told you. Give him the space he needs: to be with his mom, to grieve, to get on with his life.

You have to take care of your own heart—and your brain! Both seem to be pulling you back to school. So go back to school. Study, learn, grow and let it change you. Who can know what's down the road, around the next bend?

Life is too short to live in places you don't like, with people you aren't meant to be with.

All the best to you.

. . . any given sad story about a young woman giving up her life, her youth, her talents, her dreams, to stay in a career that she hates, in place she doesn't like, with people who don't want her around.

There are many things worth sacrificing for love. There are few things worth sacrificing for a dubious short-term romance.

Women don't need any more fairy-tales about "living on love" or "love conquering all" nor can they afford to pass up opportunities for education. It's not about paper credentials, it's about developing to one's full potential, being with people who respect who you really are, and dealing with the realities of the world.

This also applies to men, by the way, but I don't often hear of men being advised to give up "frivolities" like graduate school in order stay with women who may or may not want to be with them.