. . . but they have to live with each other, not you.

But who knows what will happen? Maybe the whole thing will fall apart in 6 months. Maybe they will surprise everyone and will still be together in 20 years.

I guess the only thing to do is keep on being a friend (at whatever level of involvment you think is healthy) but don't get dragged into their issues—and they are going to have a lot of issues. I just hope they don't have kids anytime soon.

My amateur psychologist guess about the woman is that she might be even more troubled than she appears in this letter. The mom lending the money for a ring the guy can't afford (after the more affordable ring was rejected) makes it sound as if there are reasons that the mom is desparate to "get the daughter married"— a very bizarre situation for a so-called "adult."

. . . and there is not much you can do but decide what you're own boundaries are.

Cary has listed a number of ways that MIGHT be helpful (depending on who you are dealing with), but if they don't work then remember that there is nothing wrong with being really, really busy (and anyone with 2 young kids is really, really busy) and keeping a little distance. Or, a LOT of distance, as another reader suggested.

You and your husband have a right to live your own life. Together, you set the rules for what goes on in your house. You decide what subjects are open for discussion and which ones are not.

I'm not usually one to back down from a good argument, but when it comes to certain family members and religion, I have learned that you simply CANNOT win that one no matter how well-reasoned or carefully-planned your speaking notes.

She's your husband's mother, not your mother. She is, of course, your children's grandmother. But you DON'T have to do warm fuzzy "mother-daughter" things with her if the relationship is not one that allows for that kind of interaction.

Your obligation is to have a pleasant, cordial relationship with her. If it can be mutually loving and caring and respectful, then that is all the better. But, it may never be as close as you would like, especially if she cannot see you as anything other than "unsaved." You need to protect your own sanity and maintain a loving, peaceful home for your children.

And if you need to take an Ativan to get through Sunday dinner once in a while, then I don't see anything wrong with that if it keeps certain topics from turning into harmful, never-ending family warfare.