. . . and there is not much you can do but decide what you're own boundaries are.

Cary has listed a number of ways that MIGHT be helpful (depending on who you are dealing with), but if they don't work then remember that there is nothing wrong with being really, really busy (and anyone with 2 young kids is really, really busy) and keeping a little distance. Or, a LOT of distance, as another reader suggested.

You and your husband have a right to live your own life. Together, you set the rules for what goes on in your house. You decide what subjects are open for discussion and which ones are not.

I'm not usually one to back down from a good argument, but when it comes to certain family members and religion, I have learned that you simply CANNOT win that one no matter how well-reasoned or carefully-planned your speaking notes.

She's your husband's mother, not your mother. She is, of course, your children's grandmother. But you DON'T have to do warm fuzzy "mother-daughter" things with her if the relationship is not one that allows for that kind of interaction.

Your obligation is to have a pleasant, cordial relationship with her. If it can be mutually loving and caring and respectful, then that is all the better. But, it may never be as close as you would like, especially if she cannot see you as anything other than "unsaved." You need to protect your own sanity and maintain a loving, peaceful home for your children.

And if you need to take an Ativan to get through Sunday dinner once in a while, then I don't see anything wrong with that if it keeps certain topics from turning into harmful, never-ending family warfare.

. . . but they have to live with each other, not you.

But who knows what will happen? Maybe the whole thing will fall apart in 6 months. Maybe they will surprise everyone and will still be together in 20 years.

I guess the only thing to do is keep on being a friend (at whatever level of involvment you think is healthy) but don't get dragged into their issues—and they are going to have a lot of issues. I just hope they don't have kids anytime soon.

My amateur psychologist guess about the woman is that she might be even more troubled than she appears in this letter. The mom lending the money for a ring the guy can't afford (after the more affordable ring was rejected) makes it sound as if there are reasons that the mom is desparate to "get the daughter married"— a very bizarre situation for a so-called "adult."

. . . is that the LW seems rather dull, actually. Considering the mixed bag of people, attitudes, clothing, values, cultures, etc. that one can witness just by walking down the street everyday, ie. the whole colourful parade of human "strangeness" . . . the LW is self-conscious and affected about being "strange" and then wants to let us know (defiantly) that she is OK with it, but still wants "advice."

So here is my take: LW, you sound really young. That's not bad; you are lucky that you are still young. You also, unfortunately, happen to sound quite naive, as if you have not yet been exposed to the broader world beyond your narrow experiences. This is why your letter comes across as silly, immature, sad, angry, and yes, rather "strange" to the people who post here.

My guess is that you may have come from a conventional, dare I say boring? possibly restrictive? background where there wasn't much eccentricity or deviation from a very narrow "norm." "Oh! You put salt AND pepper on your mashed potatoes? EEEEUUWWW! You are so STRANGE!!!" That kind of thing.

I wonder what kind of person you really are. Are you at all INTERESTING? Do you have any special skills or experiences that would be fun to talk about? Do you have unsusal, perceptive ideas on the world? Have you studied anything in any depth? Have you travelled anywhere? Do you have a wide variety of friends and acquaintances?

The reason I ask is that you sound a bit out of touch with the larger spectrum of people in your generation. Maybe there are at least one or two others in your cohort as "strange" as, or even a wee bit "stranger" than you?

I suspect you might be like some people I knew in high school who never moved away from our (small, remote, boring) hometown. If you had worked in a variety of jobs, or travelled a bit, or if you had been to college you would have been more exposed to a variety of quirky, alternative, and, yes, some genuinely strange attitudes and ways of life, some positive, some definitely not.

And then you would understand why attempting to identify yourself as "strange" for the trivial reason that you aren't interested in commitment or having children (gasp!) comes across as a really naive and silly stance to take, especially in this era, and to this audience.

Dear LW, it's 2008. That means that many people around you have lived through the 50s, the 60s, the 70s, the 80s, the 90s—You do know about these decades, don't you? If nothing else you might want to start your research with the 60s.

I think you need to start opening up your world to real-life experiences. You need to get used to meeting people who chart MUCH more unconventional paths in life than you have. You will quickly realize that you are not so strange at all. Not quirky, not challenging, and not YET very interesting—just really, really unaware of what is going on around you. You need to find out who you are, and the myriad possibilites of life that are open to you.

It's a quest worth taking, buy the way. Drop us a note in a few years' time and let us all know what you've been up to.

Goodnight Opus.

And thank you, BB, for everything.