I found Cary's response hilarious and poetic, but I am not sure that it is the advice that the LW needs right now.

First of all, I will generalize and state that I believe that guys don't struggle with this the way we do. The closeness inherent in female friendships can be both a blessing and a curse. It took me a long, long, time to learn how to navigate these sometimes treacherous waters.

Right up front I will let everyone know that there have been times where I have been that "bad" friend, the annoying friend, the melodramatic friend, the troubled friend, the self-centred friend and the oblivious friend. Too many times when I was younger, I admit, and hopefully much less now.

I will also say that I have had some of those truly bad friends, annoying friends, crazy-making friends, fair-weather friends, user friends, etc., etc., and unfortunately one or two that turned out to be extremely dangerous and damaged individuals. Also, this was more often when I was younger, and it does not happen as much now, mainly because I can read people now in ways I couldn't then.

Learning how to handle friendships is a big, important and difficult part of female life. I think it can take years to figure out how to cultivate great, loving friendships that give you closeness but still give you your personal space. Ultimately, a real friendship works because it is "easy" — but I think both people in a friendship need a certain amount of knowledge and wisdom for that to happen.

When we are younger, we don't always know how friendships should work: what can we reasonably expect, and what are our own responsibilties? That whole 2-way street thing. I really believe that one of the most beautiful things about growing up is that we do gain the ability to handle the complexities of friendship with more confidence and grace.

In this situation, I think the LW has found herself enmeshed in a toxic friendship. Unfortunately these are all too common with women. I think we have all been there.

This is not a "good guy/bad guy" situation, but a true mismatch—neither one of these people is really a "true" friend to the other, despite any good intentions. They are not equal in terms of maturity, social skills or basic values. From the letter, I get a sense that the friend often behaves in ways that make the LW uncomfortable or legitimately angry. This is not snobbishness or narcissism but the simple fact of the situation. The LW has obviously made a genuine effort initially to be open to her friend's differences, to accept her "as she is" — but she also has a right to be honest about what her own limits are.

And, LW: please remember that a friendship is not healthy when one person takes on the role of trying to "fix" or "save" the other. Your friend may or may not be "damaged" (she may be insecure, immature, ill-mannered, self-centred or socially inept, OR she may have serious emotional problems that you can't repair, OR she just may be who she is, with no apologies—we, the audience, have no way to tell) but a friendship cannot work when one person tries to be the "mom" or "teacher" to the other. If you have a friend that is so different from what you are used to, it can only work if you genuinely respect them as a person.

Sometimes, a fun, outspoken, outrageous friend is just what we need to shake us out of our own complacency, but it won't work if we see them as merely our "novelty" friend or some kind of improvement project.

But, LW, it is also OK to admit that you just don't like or respect someone. I suspect we all get that twinge of feeling "bad" or "mean" whenever we admit that we just don't like everyone equally. A lot of women forget that it is OK to be an acquaintance. If a friendship is not working, there is no shame in that.

You don't have to be everyone's friend, and you can't rescue every lost puppy. I think you have vented your frustrations here, you know how you feel, and you can move on with your life and let your friend go on with hers. There is no need for a big discussion or a dramatic break-up. Just get busy with other plans, always be kind, firm, and fair, and make more room in your life for people you are compatible with.

And, who knows, she may surprise you: she may get her act together in a couple of years. Maybe your paths will cross again some day on different terms.

All the best to you.